


Charybdis

by keelysodunne



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anal Everything, Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Angst, Anorexia, Bottom!Calum, Bulimia, Coming In Pants, Cutting, Daddy Kink, Dom/sub, Drug Use, Drunk Sex, Eventual Smut, Feminization, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff and Angst, Frottage, Gay Sex, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Incest, Luke in Panties, Luke is 17 but turns 18, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sad Luke, Shy!Luke, Sibling Incest, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, This is my first work so sorry lmao, Tooth Rotting Fluff, Top!Michael, Unrequited Love, at the end of it mostly, bottom!Luke, idk how to tag, implied father/son incest, literally everything i s2g, seriously please be careful, so kind of underage, top!ashton, trigger warning, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-04-10 21:45:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 35,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4408982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keelysodunne/pseuds/keelysodunne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke Hemmings can't help but feel responsible for his father being in prison.<br/>Ashton Irwin wants to fix Luke before he shatters himself more.<br/>Luke doesn't see the point in letting Ashton save him until he realizes Ashton may be just as broken as himself.</p><p>a.k.a. the cliche fic where everyone is gay, Luke's life sucks and Ashton's may not be much better. (Tw)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

After nearly two years, it still baffled Liz completely as to why her son was so persistent to always come back to this wretched place, the place that just made everything so real.

She was entirely perplexed as to why this was the only place Luke got out to, other than school.

And she was utterly perturbed as to why the blond boy would continue to drive here once a week to see the horrible man who’s responsible for everything their family has been through.

Luke slowly made his way down the halls of the prison and down towards the door with a board reading “Visitors,” this was his stop.  
The line leading to the front office was luckily almost none, likely because visiting hours were almost up.

“Next,” the lady attending to everyone eventually told Luke when it was his turn, “Name, please?” Although she didn’t even need to ask after becoming quite familiar with the boy in front of her. “Luke. I’ll tell him you’re here again,” the lady said with a soft spoken voice and a small nod.

Luke took a seat in the waiting area, shortly after being summoned by the attendant once more.

“Lucas Hemmings for Andrew Hemmings?”

He stood and made his way to the visiting booths following behind another attendant before he spotted his father, sat behind a glass screen and two phones the only thing that could connect the two in some way.

The blond boy took a seat in the familiar chair and was once again met with an almost painfully guilty look from the man who is his father.  
And he was greeted with the same two words he has been for the past two years.

“I’m sorry,” and if it weren’t for the watery eyes and sob that was choked back Luke may not have believed him.

“I know,” he replied, taking his black lip ring into his mouth in order to avoid his own sobs being heard. “I know, Dad. Me too.”

The two shared a couple moments of silence before it was broken again by Andy’s muffled groan. Luke shifted in his seat, adjusting his sleeves so they were covering his hands, giving him sweater paws.

The thing is, Luke really wasn’t sure either why he came back here so often. In fact, he still has nightmares of his father circling him, ready to pounce, complete and utter hatred in his eyes. He doesn’t understand himself why he shares the guilt with his father, but he is sure that the guilt is there and it’s eating away at him every waking moment of his life.

'He's in here because of you.'

The voice in Luke’s head is interrupted when his father speaks up again, “I love you, Luke. I never meant to hurt you. I love you.”

“I know,” was the only thing the boy had to reply, and it was true.  
He knew Andy loved him but that might have just been the problem; maybe he loved him too much.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mean siblings are mean

When Luke arrived back home later that night it didn’t surprise him that the house was empty.

_Empty._

That was really all Luke had felt these past years. He was numb, and angry, and sad, but mostly just empty; never feeling the need to do anything. It was like all the life and energy had been sucked out of him, leaving him alone with his thoughts like he was now.  
And that was always a scary place.

He dragged himself upstairs, not completely sure why. It was only 9:30, he certainly wasn’t ready for bed yet.

It wasn’t until he finally reached the bathroom that he remembered what he was doing. And it wasn’t until he finally reached beneath the cabinets retrieving his favorite piece of metal that he remembered why.

Rolling back his sleeves and removing the several bracelets which were usually clad on his arms, he took a deep breath and let everything sink in once more.

Luke slowly dragged the sharp blade down across his wrist making the first cut of the night; the first of many to come, and felt ten times better, yet ten times worse at the same time because it just wasn’t enough and it never is.

He never is.

Soon enough, his wrists were once again littered with jagged wounds leaking red and running into each other, trickling down his arms and onto the cool tile underneath his feet. His head is spinning and his vision is fuzzy but he doesn’t want to stop; he can’t.

He makes one more slice on what used to be pale milky skin and he’s eventually tumbling to the ground, the shiny metal bouncing out of his grip and he can’t help feel at least a little accomplished because _this is what I deserve._

That feeling is quickly replaced with hatred and self loathe because not even for this does he deserve to be proud.

His eyes are blinking rapidly now trying to stay awake but they just can’t as the puddles are becoming larger around him until finally everything goes black and he’s out.

~

Luke wakes up to a dull feeling in his chest and the familiar sensation of worthlessness when he looks down at his arms.

He makes himself sick.

Getting back onto his feet, he reaches for the top cupboard and fishes out the first aid kit, quickly bandaging his wounds that have, for the most part, stop bleeding.

Once he is out of the bathroom, he checks his phone

10:07

He wasn’t out for too long, but he quickly realizes he was asleep long enough for his brothers to have arrived home due to the screaming match that seems to be taking place downstairs.

When he arrived on the first floor he was hit with the strong scent of alcohol and cigarette smoke, a combination Luke was now familiar with.

Not to Luke’s surprise, his assumption was proved right when he was met with the sight of his two older brothers drunkenly shouting curses and profanities at eachother.

It also was no surprise for Luke to hear the references being made about him and used as insults.

“God, Jack, you’re so fucking gay. I bet you wouldn’t even mind taking one up the ass right now, huh?” Ben said, stumbling towards his older brother.

“Shut the hell up arshole, I’m not Luke.”

And Luke may have been offended if he wasn’t used to it.

His thoughts were cut short by the sound of glass shattering when an empty bottle of vodka was thrown at the wall, missing his head by nearly a foot.

It was Ben, giving him a look one might possess when staring at a terrorist.  
“Why the fuck are you back, homo? Dad wouldn’t fuck you again during your visit?”

And, oh. okay. That one did hurt. But Luke didn’t have time to actually process it when his oldest sibling chimed in,”Shut up Ben. Why would he even want to?” ending with a deep chuckle.

Luke didn’t really know how to respond to this, he never did. He couldn’t stand up for himself if he wanted to avoid a possible fist fight with his two much burlier brothers.  
That’s when the room started to spin and his breathing became ragged with shallow breaths. His chest began to tighten, as if his heart was being clench by a muscle man’s fist and- _no. Not now._

Luke’s brother had only seen him mid-panic attack one other time before years ago.  
Not because they weren’t often, it’s just- they’re never even with Luke to witness them.

Knowing his brothers don’t know how to handle them only made his heart race faster and faster, his hands were getting clammy and, shit, did somebody turn the heater on?

 

It felt as if all five of his senses had weakened and he faintly heard footsteps coming towards him before his body hit the ground once again that night.

Only this time he had an audience, and that only frightened Luke more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think:) kudos make me very happy by the way :3  
> And can anyone guess what Andy did to get locked up??:0


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pain was completely unbearable, a fire in his ass and a stretch that made him feel as if he were being ripped apart, and then the intruder began to thrust, the fiery pain multiplying by a thousand.
> 
> A hand reached up to his face, stroking at the tears that had escaped and were trailing down his cheeks,”Good boy. So, so good for daddy, right Lucas?”
> 
> And-Lucas? The only person who had ever called him that was-
> 
> Shit.

When Luke awoke for the second time that night, he was met with a terrible throbbing in his left eye and he could taste the metal-like flavor of his own blood.

Luke knew this was the cause of his brothers’ kicks while he was unconscious, but he also knew they would blame it on his fall.

And they all knew Luke wouldn’t interject.

He lied in the same position as he woke up in for a good ten minutes before the front door eventually swung open, a very tired and half-naked Liz entering the house.

Work at the strip club had worn her out tonight, Luke assumed

He didn’t even have the energy to argue when his mum began to yell,”Luke Robert Hemmings! Get off your ass and clean up this God damned mess!” her voice tore through the close to silent room, making Luke jump slightly even when he was aware of her presence.

Liz was a good mum deep down, Luke believed.  
She’d never hit him and always provided meals for the broken family, or, she tried to.

But it wasn’t her fault either, really, in fact, his mum only began acting this way when Andy was locked up and- _right._ _It’s all your fault Luke._

~

 _Luke lay on the cold wooden floor of his basement, trembling all over. He was sweating buckets but at the same time he was just_ **so cold**.  
He felt fingers dancing on his bare chest, a large hand coming up to tweak his nipple earning a not-so-pleasurable moan from the blond.  
He tried to determine exactly where he was, his eyes struggling to see in the dimly lit room, his screams muffled by the scarf tied around his mouth.

_He felt hands on his hips, sneaking their way beneath the elastic of his briefs, tugging harshly to reveal his member, failing to get away due to the rope bonding his arms to a post._

_He was now fully exposed and he had never felt so humiliated when a large hand wrapped itself around Luke’s flaccid penis, giving it a few tugs to at least get him semi-hard._

_His body was so confused and panicked, thrashing around desperately trying to loosen the bonds on his limbs when he felt a dry digit poking at his tight hole and- **no, please no.**_

__He began screaming-or tried to scream- as something entered him and he wasn’t even sure_ **what** , but deep down he knew it was too thick to be fingers._

_The pain was completely unbearable, a fire in his ass and a stretch that made him feel as if he were being ripped apart, and then the intruder began to thrust, the fiery pain multiplying by a thousand._

_A hand reached up to his face, stroking at the tears that had escaped and were trailing down his cheeks,”Good boy. So, so good for daddy, right Lucas?”_

_And-Lucas? The only person who had ever called him that was-_

**Shit.**

 

Luke awoke shaking, thrashing around in his bed resulting in all of the covers falling to the ground. His chest was heaving and the dream had only kept replaying over and over in his head-only it wasn’t just a one time nightmare that had woken him up; it was recurring.

It wasn’t a nightmare at all, really, but a horrifying experience engraved in his memory.

He looked over to the clock next to his bedside table.

2:41

Hesitantly, Luke reached under his pillow to retrieve his phone, dialing the seven digits needed to reach his friend.

“Hello?”

As soon as Calum picked up Luke immediately felt guilty because, for fuck’s sake, it’s 2:30 AM, Luke, no one wants to hear you bitch about your life.

Calum needed the rest, but before Luke could be overcome with more guilt the voice repeated itself,”Hello? Luke, buddy, you alright?”

In his failed attempt to reply, Luke only let out a choked sob, which only made him feel worse because fuck, now Calum was worried.

“Hey, mate talk to me. ‘Nother bad dream, yeah?”

“I’m sorry Cal, it’s all my fault,” the blond finally spoke up, but before he could continue, the Kiwi boy was already drowning Luke in reassurance and sympathy, and fucking shit, Luke didn’t deserve Calum.

“Sh sh sh, Luke, it’s not your fault, okay? Listen to me. Your father, Luke, he deserves all this shit he’s going through right now. It’s his fault, Luke, he did this to you.”

Luke sat still for a few moments, not really sure how to respond.  
Calum always told Luke that it isn’t his fault, but it sure doesn’t feel that way; that not what his brothers tell him.

After minutes of silence, Calum must have thought Luke fell asleep because he whispered lightly, “ You’re okay, Lukey. Sleep tight.”

And the line went dead, which meant Luke was left alone, in the dark, at night, with millions of thoughts swirling in his brain like a hurricane was taking place in his head;  
only this storm wouldn’t blow over anytime soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so Luke's background is mostly revealed and we got some Calpal action at last.  
> Let me know what you think.
> 
> if you want, FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER: keelysodunne! comment if you do and i'll follow you back:) 
> 
> Kudos are appreciated, please comment what you think!


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slowly reaching out in disbelieve, he grabbed the picture that was hanging on the small metal door. He stood there frozen, but when he finally processed just what it is, his stomach sank and he wasn’t sure how he was still conscious.
> 
> He decided to make a run for it out of the front gates.  
> Luke wasn’t really sure where he was going but right now he had to be anywhere but that awful place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh I'm sorry this is mostly just a filler chapter so it kind of sucks.

Luke never really hated school, he didn’t necessarily like it, but it wasn’t his most dreaded place to be. In fact, it gave him a reason to be away from his house, from his brothers and mum, and gave him a chance to see his two-or, only- friends, Michael and Cal.

The boy with a quiff higher than most expectations came in to Calum and Michael’s view where they were waiting for him in the halls next to his locker. The two boys weren’t hard to miss either, especially because of Michael’s brightly dyed hair.

He had changed it from pink to a nice orange color, Luke noticed.

One thing Luke had always loved about the cuddly Aus was his eyes.  
The pale skin and soft features were nice too, but Luke loved the sea green eyes and how they were always so joyous, and so happy,

Luke wanted happy

“Huke Lemmings, look who it is!”

Both boys smiled and encircled him in a big group hug, and Calum leaned over to whisper in Luke’s ear, “You okay?” To which the blond nodded and squeezed back.  
After a few seconds he released, but it was quite obvious to him how Calum and Michael lingered with their bodies connected longer than need.

The blush from both boys afterwards was quite obvious as well.

While he was retrieving his books from his locker he continued listening to the other boys’ conversation.

“Shit, Cal, you know that girl I hooked up with at the party on Sunday?”

Oh yeah, the party Luke didn’t go to because he was visiting his father.  
Not that he would have gone anyways. Sweaty bodies and too-loud music, strangers grinding against you and- yeah, no thank you. Who has a party on a Sunday anyways?

Michael continued when he saw the confused look on Calum’s face, “Remember? Blond, nice ass?” He explained, circular hand gestures in all.

Calum’s expression hardened, as if to say ‘it wasn’t that nice. mine’s better.’ But instead he just nodded and let Mikey finish the story.

“You’re not gonna believe it, bro apparently she has feelings for me, so I went for it and asked her out. We’re going to the movies this Friday.”

And Michael was right, neither boy believed it because since when does Michael date? He’s usually the kind of guy that gets drunk and lives off of one night stands.

Either way, Luke was happy for him, but he couldn’t quite say the same for Calum, who stood there with an almost pained expression and only muttered out a simple, “That’s great man. Congrats,” before the bell rang, saving them all from the awkward conversation.

~

When the teacher excused Luke to the restroom halfway through fifth period, Luke remembered why school wasn’t that great.  
Aside from the boring and useless lessons, he also had to deal with the crowded hallways, constant pushing and shoving, and the homophobic jocks Luke hated with his whole heart.

He could feel the back of his neck becoming damp from a thin trail of blood as a lanky brunette hovered over him.

“Why do you even bother coming back, fag? Nobody wants you here,” he spit in Luke’s face.

The thing is, Luke hasn’t come out yet, the only ones who know he’s gay are his brothers and Calum and Mikey. But after things were publicized about him and his father, people really just assumed he was. You would think he may get some sort of sympathy at least, but sadly, non. It just goes to show why Luke takes responsibility for his father’s arrest 

“Tanner please, just-” Luke was cut off when another fist connected with his cheek, but it wasn’t Tanner this time. No, it was his (surprisingly) only friend, Cole.

Blood was dripping down his chin out of his now split lip, and a purple mark was rapidly blooming next to his eye.  
He pushed himself up from where he had fallen only for his legs to fail him, collapsing once more.

He let his eyes rest as he heard he hear the boys’ footsteps leave down the hall.  
Eventually, he got up, searching for the bathroom pass he used to even come out here in the first place.

But when the blond finally rose, wiping off smeared blood from his face and turning towards his locker he froze.

Slowly reaching out in disbelieve, he grabbed the picture that was hanging on the small metal door. He stood there frozen, but when he finally processed just _what_ it is, his stomach sank and he wasn’t sure how he was still conscious.

He decided to make a run for it out of the front gates.  
Luke wasn’t really sure where he was going but right now he had to be anywhere but that awful place.

Once he finally made it off school property he sunk to his knees, relieved a garbage bin was near so he could dispose of the picture he was holding of his father.


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The calming sound of the ocean waves crashing into the shore helped the boy relax and put his mind at ease. He enjoyed the peace you could find here. This was always the place he could come to when his mind was buzzing with a whirlpool of thoughts dancing in his head, but it wasn’t in the bad way like when he’s panicked and wreck, it was soothing and just _nice._

A light spray of salty sea water ghosted Luke’s skin as he walked along the jetty at the beach. There was a slight breeze in the autumn air sending shivers up Luke’s spine, a chill spreading throughout his body.

The calming sound of the ocean waves crashing into the shore helped the boy relax and put his mind at ease. He enjoyed the peace you could find here. This was always the place he could come to when his mind was buzzing with a whirlpool of thoughts dancing in his head, but it wasn’t in the bad way like when he’s panicked and wreck, it was soothing and just _nice._

That is until his phone began to buzz with yet another call from Calum. Luke decided he should at least answer a text though, to make sure neither of his friends come looking for him.

**3 missed calls  
2 unheard voicemails**

**New text message from Calum at 3:12  
**   
Luke where are you? Me and Mikey have been waiting at the car for a half hour. Please pick up. xo Cal

 **New text message from Calum at 3:29  
**   
Mate answer your phone, let us know you’re okay, yeah?  
Love you xo Calum

 **New text message from Michael at 3:36  
**   
Answer the god damned phone you walking breadstick

And, ok, Luke let a small laugh escape his lips at that one.

 **New message to Michael:  
**   
I’m ok. no need to worry. c u soon  
xo Luke

With that he slid his phone back into his pocket and continued to avert his gaze out past the horizon, his eyelids growing heavy before he decided he can just rest for a little while.

~

When Luke woke up, the sun had nearly set. The sky was painted with fiery reds and pinks, clouds looking like cotton candy and it was just so beautiful.

Luke wished he was beautiful.

The boy got up from his spot on the rocks and made his way back towards the beach. For the most part, it was a silent stroll, save for a small wave coming into contact with the sand every now and then. Other than that, Luke was enjoying himself, looking out at the gorgeous sight, eyes filled with wanderlust.

The walk felt longer than usual and his long legs kept getting tangled in each other but he didn’t mind all that much. However, the breeze began to pick up and Luke prepared himself for the chilly night home.

In the midst of the night walk a light tapping caught his attention. He couldn’t tell what it was or where it was coming from but it was catchy and almost made Luke want to dance before he recognized it was _drumming_ and the patter was followed by an absolutely angelic voice joining in to sing what Luke realized was one of his favourite songs.

So he did what any human would do; he began to sing along.

_Lights out, I still hear the rain._  
_These images that fill my head_  
_Now keep my fingers from making mistakes,_  
_Tell my voice what it takes to speak up, speak up_  
_And keep my conscious clean when I wake._

Luke barely noticed the music becoming softer as he walked further away from the source, whatever it may be. He could still faintly hear it though and it made his heart melt. The voice was just mesmerizing.

_Don’t make this easy_  
_I want you to mean it, Jasey,_  
_Say you mean it._  
_You’re dressed to kill,_  
_I’m calling you out._  
_Don’t waist your time on me._

Luke hadn’t even realized he was already half way home when he snapped out of his musical trans. It took him longer to notice the damp streaks on his face, tears rolling down one by one down his cheeks.

 _Now there’s an aching in my back_  
_A stabbing pain that says I lack_  
_The common sense and confidence_  
_To bring an end to promises_  
_That I make in times of desperate conversation_  
_Hoping my night could be better than theirs in the end,_  
_Just say when._

It felt as if a large wight had been glued to his shoulders as Luke thought back to today and what led him here. He thought about Tanner and Cole. He thought about the things they were calling him once again. He thought about how it’s true, it’s all true; he _is_ a faggot and he _doesn’t_ deserve to still be here.

 _Don’t make this easy_  
_I want you to mean it, Jasey,_  
_Say you mean it._  
_You’re dressed to kill,_  
_I’m calling you out_

He thought back to the picture that was plastered in his mind and had been plastered to his locker earlier that day. He thought about his panic attacks, and Calum and Michael. He thought about how lucky he was to have them in his life when all he does is complain to them and _fuck._

_Don’t waist your time on me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is so short but it's kind of another filler chapter but not really? I promise it gets more interesting...:(  
> Can anybody guess who the music was coming from? :)  
> so this chapter is not spectacularly long but i really like this actually. Let me know what you think.


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke could feel his cheeks heating up with a rosy blush spreading from his neck to the top of his ears and he just stood there trying to muster up something to say, but for some reason ‘Yes I _am_ jealous because I want a mouth on my _cock_ ’ just didn’t seem to make the cut. So instead he adjusted his sleeves and continued staring at the carpet until Ben scoffed and walked away.

Luke walked inside his home and was only mildly shocked to find Jack on the couch with a skinny brunette on her knees between his legs. He was even less surprised when neither of the two acknowledged him and continued their task at hand.

Still, even when you’ve grown accustomed to walking in on your brother having someone suck him off in the living room, it’s not exactly easy to look away; not because Luke wants to watch, it’s just he’s curious as to what it’s even like.

He felt a light tap on his shoulder and jumped at the unexpected presence and let out a sigh under his breath once he processed it was Ben.

“What’s wrong Puke? Jealous of your brother?” The older boy spat before continuing, “Oh wait. ‘Course you’re not. It’s a _chick_ ,” a dark chuckle mimicking his lips.

Luke could feel his cheeks heating up with a rosy blush spreading from his neck to the top of his ears and he just stood there trying to muster up something to say, but for some reason ‘Yes I _am_ jealous because I want a mouth on my _cock_ ’ just didn’t seem to make the cut. So instead he adjusted his sleeves and continued staring at the carpet until Ben scoffed and walked away.

Luke decided he’d better leave too-seeing his older brother climax was not on his to-do list.

The blond pushed himself upstairs into his bedroom where he spends most of his nights. Grabbing a towel and pajama shirt he waltzed into the bathroom to start the shower he desperately needed in hopes to wash away everything he’d endured today.

Turning the tap to the hottest temperature, he removed his shoes and his skin tight black skinnies, along with his boxer briefs. Once his shirt was off as well he stood their staring at his reflection in the mirror.

Luke hated his body. He ran his fingers up and down his sides, going over his very prominent ribs. His hands kept catching while attempting to trace the rugged terrain of scars littering his torso. Some were fairly new and pink, others were faded and white. New or old, they were all on the deep side, and they all disgusted Luke, much like himself.

His hands drifted down to his tummy, squishing together the extra skin; By no means was Luke fat or even chubby. His stomach was flat and his mile long legs were twig like. But what disappointed him was that his _hip bones_ weren’t even poking out and that was unacceptable.

Quite literally, he made himself sick.

Luke avoided looking at himself as much as he could. Seeing his reflection made it so real, how fat he was and how ugly. That wasn’t even fair, because when Luke did eat, he didn’t deserve to. He didn’t deserve to eat he deserved to starve, other people could use the food. He didn’t need it.

Luke crouched down to fetch a bottled water from the cupboard, chugging it down after unscrewing the cap, repeating the process twice. He then stepped under the scalding water raining from his shower, letting the liquid burn his skin, relishing in the pleasant sting it had. Luke assumed a squatting position next and brought two of his slender fingers to his mouth after getting them nice and wet under the faucet.

The boy opened his mouth letting his fingers intrude down past his tongue, into his throat and mowing them in a jabbing motion before he felt it. Quickly retracting his hand and moving his head closer to the drain, any substance previously resting in Luke’s stomach was released up his throat. The familiar burn was noticeable in the back of his mouth but he deserved it. That’s what he gets for eating.

~

The next day at school nothing drastically awful occurred. Calum and Michael both drowned Luke in questions in the morning, but thankfully dropped it when they could tell the blond wasn’t in the mood to explain his disappearance yesterday. Luke made it through the day panic attack free and shared a gourmet school lunch with his two friends, all three agreed it was an uneventful day. So, after nearly dying from the boredom he faced at school that day he decided to go on a walk in the cool autumn air.

He wasn’t really sure where he was going exactly, his legs on autopilot but Luke eventually found himself standing on the jetty yet again.

The next couple days, the jetty had become Luke’s favorite place to visit. It was always so calming and was a nice escape from his home and family. The ocean wasn’t there to call Luke names or litter his body with bruises. Yes, Calum and Michael were good company but Luke could tell when they all stayed in together that the inseparable duo would rather be out partying, something the blond could never do. It might have something to do with the fact that Luke wanted to give them privacy while at parties to leave subtle touches and drunkenly grind on each other as well, but that was just for Luke to know.

It was also very possible that Luke loved the jetty so much because he always got to hear that same lovely voice singing when it was time to head back home.

Luke especially loved when the anonymous vocalist would cover a Blink or Green Day song, tapping his drum along to accompany himself. Though the boy never discovered where the music was coming from he just enjoyed it for the few minutes it was audible on his journey back home, like now.

Luke had began the walk home a few minutes earlier, humming along with the melody to a song he couldn’t quite remember the name of. The music had died down to a soft buzz but somehow still managed to intrigue Luke. He was happy to be able to say nothing terrible had happened to him today; not even the thought of having to return home to his brothers made him _that_ upset. For now, he was going to enjoy the walk home, listening to the voice he wouldn’t mind being lulled to sleep by every night either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't wait to get to the good plot where everything goes to shit.  
> Aye also would just like to say i know there's not a lot of dialogue rn but once all the characters are introduced there will be much more. plus there's a _thing_ coming up and it will make you cry and there will be lots of talking enjoy.


	7. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He pulled down the covers in order to tuck Calum in, wrapping his arms around the boy who was already half way asleep. Michael leaned down to press a chaste kiss to his temple and whispered, “Sweet dreams, Cally,” before both drifted off into a much needed sleep.

Calum watched intently as his now purple haired friend sipped his drink, before taking a swig of his own, the alcohol temporarily burning his throat. He and Michael had only been at the party for an hour tops, but were both well on their ways to getting wasted.

Both boys were barely able to register the loud chants and cheers that erupted from the crowd of teens surrounding them every time one of them would down another shot.  
“Easy tiger,” Michael said with a smirk, “You don’t know what you’re getting into.”

Michael winked at Calum, and it was true. Michael did drink way more often than Calum, and he did know how to handle it better than the Kiwi did. But he wanted so badly to wipe that sly look off of his friends face, so he lifted the small glass to his lips and threw his head back, the clear liquid sliding down his throat, and looked his dyed friend in they eye, “Pour me another.”

The two continued the back and forth and Calum was beginning to feel everything become hazing. But what caught his attention even more was how completely _hot_ Michael looked like this. Beads of sweat were forming on his forehead, slightly tinted the same as his hair, cheeks rosy. He loved the way Michael’s plump lips attached themselves to the shot glasses, and was utterly entranced by the way he’d throw his head back while taking the drink, Calum couldn’t help but want to attach his own lips to the pale boy’s neck and mark him up for everyone to see.

So Calum decided, fuck it. The crowd had mostly died down and he just couldn’t help himself as he slowly leaned his body over the table to whisper in his friend’s ear, “Look so good like this Mikey.”

Michael shivered as Calum’s hot breath fanned over his neck, and he couldn’t even find it in himself to question anything because the boy in front of him was so hot and the alcohol in his system was making his head buzz.

“Yeah? You think so Cal?”

“Yeah, fuck─want you Michael,” Calum breathed out, bringing his lips to Michael’s jaw, then his neck, sucking and biting until the older boy let out a low moan.

Michael adjusted himself before replying, “'M all yours Cal, fuck, want you so bad.”

Michael reached his hands up to Calum’s cheek and pulled the raven boy into a harsh, heated kiss. It was sloppy and wet, but it was still so _hot_ and both boys needed desperately needed more from the other.

The older boy reluctantly pulled away and whispered, “Upstairs. Now.”

And the two were running- _stumbling_ \- up the stairs after each other until they finally found an unoccupied room. As soon as the couple escaped inside, Calum was pushed against the wall, Michael’s hot lips trailing down his neck down to his collar bone. The darker boy let out a grunt, thrusting his hips against Michael’s looking for any type of friction. Michael firmly pressed his hands to Calum’s waist, holding down his hips.

He grabbed at the younger boys belt loop and whispered into his ear, “These need to come off, now.”

And Calum gladly obliged, pulling his jeans and boxers down his long legs. He reached for the hem of Michael’s shirt, tugging lightly to send the message to the boy. He swiftly pulled his Tee over his head before attaching his lips back to Calum’s. Calum let out a high whimper that in any other moment he would have been embarrassed, but right now all he could think about was _MichaelMichaelMichaelMichael._

“Shit, please, do something Mikey.”

Michael ground his knee between the other boy’s legs, eliciting an almost painful sounding moan to slip from his full lips.

“Gotta use your words, Cally,” And Calum wanted to cry because he needed Michael so badly.

“Ngh, Michael, please, fuck me.” And Michael didn’t need to be told twice. He lifted up the Kiwi and tossed him onto the bed, undoing his own pants and tugging off the boy’s shirt. Michael eagerly wrapped his hand around Calum’s aching cock, then continued to bring two of his fingers to the boys mouth.

“Suck,” He said, and Calum excitedly obeyed, opening his mouth and sucking on the pale boy’s thick digits. He swirled his tongue around, making obscene noises before Michael had decided they were wet enough.

“You like that baby boy? Taking my fingers like that, bet you’re pretending it’s my cock in your mouth, yeah?” Calum moaned at the boy’s words, and suddenly he felt one of Michael’s fingers poking at his puckered hole. He slowly slid it in, halting temporarily when it hit the rim. He soon began thrusting in and out of Calum and he continued to add another finger. Calum whined and threw his head back in pleasure, reveling in the stretch he was feeling at the moment.

“Such a slut for my fingers, yeah Cal? So tight for me, can’t wait to get inside you.”

Michael slid in a third finger, angling his thrusts perfectly so they brushed the younger boy’s prostate _just_ enough to tease him without hitting it dead on.

“Fuck, please. ‘M ready Michael I can take it,” Calum breathed out between pants.

“You sure you want this Calum? It’s not too late to back out,” he asked for reassurance, and _Christ_ how did this boy manage to be so sweet yet so sexy at the same time?

“Dammit Michael, please, get the fuck inside me,” Calum finally replied, grinding his hips down onto the fingers pumping in and out of him.

With that, the purple boy slicked his own dick with saliva before aligning himself at Calum’s entrance. Reaching down, he pulled the boy’s left leg up onto his shoulder for better access and rested his elbows on either side of the raven’s head. After getting a finally nod of consent from Calum, Michael began to slowly push in, the head of his dick catching at his tight ring of muscle.

He let out a low groan, loving the feeling of the tight heat surrounding him. Calum was so wet and warm and Michael was in heaven. After letting Calum adjust, he pushed himself all the way in, hips meeting hips as he bottomed out. 

“You good, Cal?”

“Shit, yeah, just-just give me a minute, yeah?” He breathlessly panted out. After seconds that felt like years, Calum nodded his head and spoke up, “Move.”

And with that the pale boy was pounding into the beauty beneath him relentlessly, leaning down to suck a mark into his soft skin. When he pulled back, a pink and soon-to-be purple mark was blooming right beneath Calum’s jaw.

Pants and whimpers filled the room, and Michael was almost startled at how loudly Calum yelped once he found his prostate, hitting it dead on with every thrust.

“Yeah, right there Mikey fuck, I’m close.”

Michael reached his hand in between himself and the darker boy to grasp Calum’s leaking cock firmly in his fist. He took his thumb and smeared the precum around the head before toying with his slit, earning delicious and sinful moans from the Kiwi.

“That’s right Cal, come for me. Come for me, baby boy,” and after a few more sloppy thrusts, the boy was sent over the edge, cumming hard all over Michael’s fist and up his own tummy. Calum repeatedly clenched his hole around Michael in order to bring him closer to his finish

“Shit Cal, I’m- _fuck_ ,” Michael managed to say before spilling his load into the boy wrapped around him.

The couple lay there for a few moments before Michael slowly pulled out, Calum wincing at the empty feeling. Michael got up, only to return with a wet cloth, and wiped down Calum’s chest, then patting lightly at his sensitive hole, almost chubbing up once more at the sight of his own spunk leaking from the raven.

He pulled down the covers in order to tuck Calum in, wrapping his arms around the boy who was already half way asleep. Michael leaned down to press a chaste kiss to his temple and whispered, “Sweet dreams, Cally,” before both drifted off into a much needed sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took a while to update, I had some health issues and have been stressed about that. Hopefully I'll be updated more often now, I'm just so scared as to what you guys will think :( But, I hope you enjoy the smut and sweetness because this is all gonna turn to shit oops


	8. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashton knew that was a lie. He actually knew quite a bit about Luke. Luke liked to come to the jetty, from what he could tell. He came there almost every day and he always would sing along to the songs Ashton performed. Luke never really noticed Ashton, he doesn’t think, but Aston noticed a lot about the younger boy. He noticed how he constantly tugs at the sleeves of his sweaters and how he always flinched when there were loud noises. He also noticed how skinny the boy was-- literal skin and bones. He noticed the little things; like the way Luke would stand with one foot slightly on top of the other, (and if Ashton thought that was extremely adorably well, nobody needed to know.) and he noticed the way Luke’s baby blue eyes would light up whenever Ashton would play a Good Charlotte song (and if Ashton played more of them just to see those eyes nice and bright, nobody had to know.) But most of all, Ashton noticed how beautiful and fragile Luke was. His legs went on for miles, and his skin was a gorgeous smooth, pale canvas.

Michael woke the next morning to blinding sunlight seeping through the curtains and a headache that felt like he’d been shot in the face. Rolling over slightly, he couldn’t help it when his heart broke a little when he realized the other side of the bed was empty. Then again, he couldn’t get too worked up because he couldn’t even remember what happened. The only trace of memory he had from the night was sex-- really, really great sex, presumably from one of the school sluts once again.

Michael decided he should probably head out too, considering he doesn’t even know whose house he stayed at. Slowing pushing himself off the bed, and trying to ignore the throbbing in the back of his head, he stood and gathered his clothes that were still discarded from last night. He slid on his Green Day shirt that was some reason a snug fit; he didn’t remember it fitting so tightly before. Then again, he didn’t remember wearing a Green Day shirt to the party to begin with. Searching for his jeans, he came across another pile of clothes; another pair of briefs and- _wait, is that his metallica tank?_

And then Michael realized that no shit his current shirt was small, it wasn’t fucking his. The boy sat there trying to regain some sort of memory as to whose shirt he could possibly be wearing when he remember, doesn’t Calum have this same shirt?

His thoughts were interrupted by a painful sounding groan and what sounded like vomiting in the bathroom. Going against his will, Michael followed the noise to the toilet and entered without knocking, and to say he was shocked to see his best friend of years in the restroom was an understatement.

And slowly but surely, the memories came back together piece by piece; the tiny whimpers that filled the room last night, the beautiful mystery boy withering beneath him until it wasn’t a school slut, and it certainly _wasn’t_ a mystery boy-- Michael had slept with Calum.

Suddenly Michael felt sick to his stomach. His breathing grew heavy and his palms were spreading because _fuck, he slept with Calum and he would do it again._

Calum looked up at the boy in the doorway with a small smile, “Mornin’ Mikey,” was all he said, leaving the pale boy confused because, how the hell is Calum so calm about this? He just stared at his dark haired friend, unable to respond. Luckily Calum continued, 

“Thank you, f-for last night and stuff…” he trailed off awkwardly, a blush very prominent on his face, praying to God that Michael would say _something_. Finally, he did, not before noticing the many purple marks littering Calum’s smooth neck, which he couldn’t help but be a little proud of because the thought of somebody else leaving those on his Calum filled him with rage.

“Cal, I… we- we s-slept together,” he said, but it came out more like a question. He instantly regretted his tone when he saw the smile drop from his friend’s face.

“Yeah. We did, Mikey. Do- do you honestly not remember?” And if Michael’s heart shattered a little because of the broken sound to Calum’s voice, well no one had to know. And what was he supposed to say to that? ‘Yes, I remember and would do it again in a heart beat’? It’s not like that’s a lie- Michael _would_ do it again, but Calum can’t know that, he can’t know how Michael feels.

So, after a moment of contemplation, Michael muttered a small, “No,” avoiding his friend’s eyes at all costs, trying even harder to ignore the pained whimper that fell from Calum’s lips.

“Mikey… we gotta tell him, you know? We can’t keep this from Luke.”

“What the fuck Calum?” Michael snapped, startling himself and his friend. “We’re not fucking telling Luke!

“Michael if he finds out it will be hell for all of us! He’ll think it’s his fault or something!” Calum was trying his best to fight the tears threatening to spill over. He’d finally gotten Mikey but he knew they needed to tell their blond friend. 

“If we tell him, Calum, he’ll force us into being a couple!” And that was true; knowing Luke, if Calum and Mikey _did_ tell Luke and then not become a couple, who knows what the kid would feel guilty for. He’d probably come up with something like ‘I’m sorry Cal and Mikey. It’s my fault you aren’t a couple.

The silence in the room was interrupted when Michael continued,”And God knows we don’t want that.” And _oh, okay_. That hurts.

“Exactly why not Clifford? Am I suddenly not your type? You certainly didn’t seem to feel that way last night!”

“For Christ’s sake, Calum! We hooked up! It’ what people do! And after people do, they move on and forget it! Okay Cal? Fucking drop it and leave!”

Calum’s stomach dropped and he didn’t know what to say. Why was this happening? It all went so well, it was perfect last night. But now that he finally got Michael, he’s being pushed all the way back to where he started; pining over his best friend of who knows how many years. 

But he wasn’t going to take this anymore. There were hot tears streaming down Calum’s tan cheeks with a lump in his throat the only thing stopping him from saying those four words until finally he found the courage to choke them out,”I hate you Michael!”

The older boy seemed almost dazed, as if he hadn’t quite heard the Kiwi. In fact, he didn’t even acknowledge Calum as he pushed passed Michael,shoving him out of the room, and leaving down the hallway repeating himself,”I fucking hate you!”

**~**

Luke hated a lot of things.

He hated the way his brothers treated his mum. He hated the way his brothers treat him. He hated how it was his fault that Andy was in prison. He hated that Liz had found him the day it happened, blood running down his legs with his father in between them. He hated himself, the way he looked. But most of all, he hated that he never was enough. Luke almost only thought of that; of how he can only mess things up, of how everything would just be so much better if he was gone forever.

And so he sits on the edge of the now very familiar jetty, angry waves crashing into the boulders where he’s perched. The ocean looked as if it were taunting him, waiting for him to jump because he can’t even fucking swim. But, maybe that’s the reason why he should jump.

He hates that he’s too scared; scared of what may be left behind. But how could he be so stupid? Nothing will be left behind, it will all just be better. Mikey and Cal won’t have to drag him around, his mother would only have to worry about feeding two kids instead of three. He searches his mind to find just one thing that may be worse when he’s gone-  
nothing.

The night is cold and the tide is high. Thick rain drops are trickling from the pitch black sky. With one final thought and a crisp breeze chilling his skin, Luke makes his final decision. Pushing himself up from the rocky ground, he lifts one shaky leg, preparing himself for what he’s about to do. His heart is beating like there’s an earthquake in his chest and he can’t help but think ‘yes. this is what I need to do’ as he takes one more step and--

_Hold on tight, this ride is a wild one._  
_Make no mistake, the day will come_  
_When you can’t cover up what you’ve done._

The comforting voice he’s grown so fond of. This, he definitely does not hate. **‘Maybe after this song.’**

The voice continues its soothing tune and Luke has a sudden aching in his chest, as if the lyrics were meant for him, speaking to him. He’s so transfixed in the music he doesn’t even notice the sound coming closer.

_Don’t lose the fight, kid._  
_It only takes a little push_  
_To pull on through._

The blond begins to panic as the boy responsible for the most wonderful sound Luke has ever heard comes into sight, still strumming along. Maybe he won’t notice him. Then again, Luke knows he can’t be that lucky. The boy walks towards Luke. He has golden brown curls held together in a grey bandana and he’s wearing a black and yellow Batman patterned shirt. But it’s the boys next actions that have Luke crumbling down; years of bottled up emotions finally being released as the stranger stares into Luke’s eyes with his big bright hazel ones,

_With so much left to do,_  
_You’ll be missing out,_  
_And we’ll be missing you._

The blond feels like the floor has been ripped from under him, like he actually is drowning, sinking to the bottom with a weight tied to his feet. And he hates himself for being weak enough to break down in front of stranger.

He hates himself for not jumping sooner.

The curly haired boy has a worried look on his face, like he knows how Luke is feeling and he just wants to help but the only words he can form are, “Are you okay?” Which, he very obviously wasn’t okay but he didn’t know what else to do,

After not getting a response from the taller boy quivering on the ground he continues, “My name is Ashton… Can you tell me your name?”

Ashton was very surprised when he actually responded, but for some reason Luke felt like he knew Ashton. He almost felt safe.

“L-luke,” was all Ashton got in reply but it was enough for him.

“Luke it’s pretty late, and it’s not the warmest night might I add. Can I ask why you’re out?”

Ashton only earned a whimper out of the boy, and admittedly that broke his heart. Luke looked so small right now despite having a good few inches on Ashton. He truly looked broken and for some reason Ashton felt compelled to fix that.

 

“Luke, I won’t hurt you. Just… tell me why you’re out here, yeah?”

Luke took a deep breath and held back his sobs as best as he could, “J-just needed some air, ‘s all.”

Ashton knew that was a lie. He actually knew quite a bit about Luke. Luke liked to come to the jetty, from what he could tell. He came there almost every day and he always would sing along to the songs Ashton performed. Luke never really noticed Ashton, he doesn’t think, but Aston noticed a lot about the younger boy. He noticed how he constantly tugs at the sleeves of his sweaters and how he always flinched when there were loud noises. He also noticed how skinny the boy was-- literal skin and bones. He noticed the little things; like the way Luke would stand with one foot slightly on top of the other, (and if Ashton thought that was extremely adorably well, nobody needed to know.) and he noticed the way Luke’s baby blue eyes would light up whenever Ashton would play a Good Charlotte song (and if Ashton played more of them just to see those eyes nice and bright, nobody had to know.) But most of all, Ashton noticed how beautiful and fragile Luke was. His legs went on for miles, and his skin was a gorgeous smooth, pale canvas.

Ashton didn’t notice that the beautiful canvas that is Luke has been painted and scarred too many times already.

“Let’s get you home Luke. Is that okay?”

Luke didn’t answer, he only stood rather slowly and began walking beside his new acquaintance.

As Ashton walked him home, Luke learned about the curly haired boy. He listened to a lot of the same music as Ashton, which was his biggest excitement. But Luke didn’t speak a word on the way back, he only listened to Ashton. He was fascinated by the way explained things and Luke lived for the dimply smile which Ashton would show along with his chirpy giggle.

The two had been walking for a while now and were fairly close to Luke’s house when Ashton said with a fond smile, “So, Luke. Am I going to have to pry information out of you? You don’t talk much, huh?”

Luke opened his mouth to answer for once but it was immediately shut when he took in the sight behind Ashton, down the road.

“Hello? Earth to Lukey,” Ashton giggled, waving his hand in front of the blond’s face. But the boy remained frozen.

“Luke? What’s wrong-” Ashton cut himself off when he turned around, confusion and terror taking over any other emotion he had been feeling before.

“Luke… is this your stop?” But before he got an answer, he was chasing after the blond as he sprinted to the scene.

His face was drained of any color it had as he got closer to his house- or what was his house. There were dozens of men in fireproof suits trudging through the rubble. Only a few walls were left standing, but even they were charred. Two fire trucks were parked on the lawn but all the flames had been put out already. Luke calmed a bit seeing as there was no more actual fire left, but his heartbeat picked up rapidly when he say two men carrying a large bag into an ambulance, Ben and Jack standing close by.

“Luke?” Ben said, voice sore from crying and eyes wet and red.

“ _Ben._ W-what’s going on?” Luke didn’t even bother trying to hide the shakiness to his voice. If his brothers would bitch him out later for being weak then so be it.

But Luke wasn’t prepared for the answer he got in return from an equally shaky voice slicing through the silence. Luke felt his knees buckle, falling into Ashton’s grasp as Jack replied.

“Luke,” he choked out, “Mum’s dead.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Terribly sorry this update took so long. I've been having some health issues that needed to be addressed so my deepest apologies for the long set back. Hopefully this extra long chapter can make up for it. As always, all mistakes are mine and feedback is greatly appreciated. :-D


	9. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben picked himself up, but to both boys’ surprise, he complied. The knife was released from his hands. “Let’s go Jack,” was all he said, before both boys got up to leave. When passing Luke and Ashton, nobody said a word, only exchanged angry glares, until Jack handed Luke a folded up paper and leaned in, whispering so softly that Luke strained to hear, “See you at 9 tomorrow.”

Luke wasn’t really sure how to feel. He was shocked, confused, scared, angry and every negative emotion you can think of at once. Then again, what’s new? He didn’t understand. How could have been at this very house hours ago only to come back to nothing but loss and despair?

After a long span of silence with all three boys looking at the blonde, Luke finally spoke. “What happened?” The last word catching in his throat. His eyes felt like the very fire that had ripped through his house, tears burning his eyes and flaming on his cheeks.

“Luke we don’t- we don’t know,” Ben croaked, only to be interrupted by the eldest Hemming.

“We came home and the house, it was just lit up, all of it. It was too late to do anything before we even saw it. The medics- they found mum inside once everything was put out, _Luke_ , she’s dead mum is _dead_.”

Luke had never seen his brothers in such a state, he’d never seen either cry even. Not when Ben went to the hospital for busting open his head,not when Jack was arrested on his first day of college; not even on that terrible day their father was taken away from them. But Luke didn’t need to think about that now, his brother’s were finally crying. He was happy about it but it was weird to see this emotion from them. They were both always so strong; they were the reason Luke always cried himself. They weren’t used to it any more than their younger sibling was.

As Luke stood there processing- or trying to process- all of the information he’d just been told, Ashton’s hand never left his waist, though he didn’t remember the curly haired boy snaking it around him in the first place. Poor Ashton looked almost as shocked as Luke did. Moments ago he had been talking to his new friend- he hoped Luke saw him as a friend- and now here he is, at what used to be his friend’s house, learning that the boy’s mum is also dead. He felt completely awful. What would have happened if they had been home a bit sooner? Could they have saved her? Or saved the house?

Similar thoughts were racing through Luke’s mind as well. His skin was crawling and his brain was ready to explode with all of the guilt he was feeling. He felt sick to his stomach, he couldn’t handle this right now and when he shifted his gaze slightly to the left, there was his mother, underneath a black plastic blanket being carried away in a stretcher. A medic was making his way over to the four.

“I’m so, so sorry for your loss boys. When we found her in the house, there was nothing we could have done to save her. We’re taking her away right now, if you’d like to say any last words.”

All four boys made their way to the gurney, huddled around the hidden figure. However after a few seconds of hearing the siblings speak, Ashton couldn’t help but feel he was intruding, so he tapped Luke’s shoulder and motioned to the side, showing he’d be over there if he was needed. Ashton took a seat in what was left of the lawn, legs drawn to his chest and eyes watered from the smoke in the air. He let out a shaking breath as one firefighter made his way over to him. The fighter sat down next to Ashton and spoke after a few moments of silence.

“Was a joint,” the man said. The plainness to his voice made Ashton want to throw up. He was so calm, not fazed at all. Then again, this was just part of his job. The confused look must have shown to the man as he continued, “A lit joint, couple spilled bottles a vodka and a small box of matches. Goes to show the smallest things can lead to disaster.”

Ashton cocked his head and gave him a funny look, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“The fire, that’s how it started. A lit joint was in the kitchen, must have caught in all the a puddle of alcohol, we found a bunch of bottles in there. There was a box a matches near the stove too. Chain of events type of thing. I’m real sorry kid.”

Ashton didn’t know why he was being told this, he didn’t even know the victim and hardly knew her son, of course the firefighter most likely didn’t know that. But the man stood up and left after saying a simple apology and goodbye. Ashton prepared himself, knowing he would have to be the one to tell the now small family how it all happened.

Slowly, he made his way back over to the brothers that were now just a group of silent tears and the occasional quiet sob as their mum was taken away in the red and white truck. He hated himself for having to be the one to say it. Eventually, he caught Luke’s eye and began to speak, “I was talking to one of the fighters just now. Told me what happened, if you wanna-” he was cut off by a six-foot-something boy’s lanky arms throwing themselves around Ashton’s neck. He could barely make out the muffled sentences Luke was letting out.

“I’m so so sorry Ash, god you shouldn’t have had to see this. I’m sorry please Ashton I-” Luke stopped himself with a hard sob and continued bawling into Ashton’s chest. His heart broke hearing what Luke had to say- Luke had absolutely no reason to be sorry, none of this was his fault even! Luke knew that too, but the poor boy refused to believe anything _wasn’t_ his fault. The younger continued whispering into Ashton’s shoulder, “I’m sorry, Ash, please.” He wasn’t sure what he was pleading for, but he would be lying if the nickname didn’t cause sparks to fly inside him.

Though he didn’t want to and he knew it would be terrible, he had to tell the boys what happened. “Luke,” he said, “They told me how it started, the fire.” All eyes were on him now, waiting for him to continue.

“So, apparently there was a, uh, a joint?” He started, not really sure if that was correct, Luke didn’t do drugs, did he? “It was lit, I guess, and it caught on some spilled alcohol and some matches, and I think the stove too. I guess it all just spread to a kitchen fire.” He trailed off awkwardly, not really knowing how to put it gently. Nobody said anything, Luke only turned to his brothers; but there was something Ashton could see in the boy’s eyes. Pure hatred. Luke just stood there while his brothers stared back at him, almost guilty looks on their face, a thick tension now surrounding them. Everything was quiet, but the silence was _so loud_. Ashton hadn’t even fully registered the youngest boy striking his fist straight across his oldest brother’s jaw.

“Fucking hell, Luke-” Ben said, getting knocked to his feet himself.

“This is your fucking fault!” Another punch was thrown at Jack, now pinned to the ground with Luke straddling him. “You did this! You and you fucking drinks, and your fucking drugs-” the blonde was slammed to the ground by Ben, who proceeded to pound his fist to Luke’s face, knee digging into his crotch.

Ashton had never been more confused, he decided. He was scared and confused, too stunned to even try to break up the fight. Both boys were on top of Luke now, repeatedly beating him, emitting painful groans and cries from him. “Fucking piece of shit, Luke. This is our fault? Only reason we do drugs is because our father isn’t even here!” Jack was full on screaming by this point. 

Ben continued for him, “The father that you sent to jail!’”

_KICK_

“Don’t fucking blame us for your all your fuck ups!”

_KICK_

Ashton finally was able to realize what was happening before him, jumping in in attempt to save his friend.

“You’re hurting him, jesus, _stop!_ ” Ashton shoved Ben away from Luke, jamming his foot into his stomach, but before Ashton could realize, Jack ran up behind him delivering a sharp punch to the back of his neck. The curly haired boy fell to the ground beside Luke who was covered in blood, and bruises, tears overflowing his barely open eyes which was very not okay with Ashton. He sprung up from the grass and flung himself onto Jack’s back, covering his eyes with his hands and bringing up to the ground. Ashton flipped them over and gave Jack one more harsh slap before Ben was behind him once again, arms slinging around Ashton’s waist. Preparing himself for yet another hit, Ashton tried, and failed, to squirm out of the tight grip around him. But this time when he opened his eyes, it was not Ben’s fists that he was afraid of.

Ben kicked him to the ground and straddled Ashton, holding the shiny metal close to his face. “I suggest you leave us alone now, yeah?” Ashton let out a few grunts in attempt to escape, but it was no use. “Don’t worry Ash, I don’t wanna hurt you,” his voice was low, and the nickname didn’t sound nearly as good coming from his mouth as it did Luke’s. He continued, “But I will if you make me.”

Before Ben could speak again, a loud thump was heard and he was tumbling off of Ashton’s lap, revealing a trembling Luke behind where the boy just was.

“Put the fucking knife down Ben.”

Ben picked himself up, but to both boys’ surprise, he complied. The knife was released from his hands. “Let’s go Jack,” was all he said, before both boys got up to leave. When passing Luke and Ashton, nobody said a word, only exchanged angry glares, until Jack handed Luke a folded up paper and leaned in, whispering so softly that Luke strained to hear, “See you at 9 tomorrow.”

The two remaining boys both sunk to the ground, Ashton lacing their hands together whispering positive reassurances in the other boy’s ear. Ashton’s eyes were closed, but he could hear the sound of paper being crinkled and he knew Luke was reading the note. WIthout speaking, he opened his eyes and peaked beside him, reading Jack’s scribbled writing.

_21 May, 9:00 AM Appointment for Hemmings_  
_Melbourne Child Services_  
_1309 Rosebury Dr._

Ashton finally realized that this was the day Luke lost his mother, and the day Ashton might lose Luke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Long time no see! As I have mentioned multiple times, I am having health issues which is why the updates are only every like 2 weeks :-( But I feel like nobody is really enjoying this anyways... I don't know, do you guys even want me to continue? Let me know what you think, I'm a slut for kudos too by the way.


	10. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Luke what are you talking about?” It took Luke a moment to realize what he had just let slip from his mouth, and Ashton was rambling on. “Don’t deserve me?” He said, taking long strides to embrace Luke. He whispered in his ear, “I’m afraid you deserve more than I can give you. Come home with me. It’s my pleasure.” And something about this boy just made Luke trust him.

The remaining pair lay on the sidewalk, Ashton cradling Luke. The blonde rested his head in the crook of Ashton’s neck, his large figure shaking with sobs. The hazel eyed boy was in a state of shock and confusion; what had he just witnessed? Those two men who are apparently his new friend’s brothers had just fought their little sibling. Ashton’s heart shattered at the question that bulbed in his head, and absent mindedly blurted it out, “How often do they do that to you, Luke?”

Luke shivered then when completely silent. He removed his head from the older boy’s shoulder but avoided eye contact. “That was the first time.”

_Liar._

He picked at his sleeves, pulling them past his wrists and over his hands. “I’ve never seen them so angry.”

_Stop lying, fag._

Ashton nodded. He felt awful. The least he could have done was jump in sooner to pry the men off of Luke, but he couldn’t move, he couldn’t process it. “I’m sorry Luke,” he started. “I should have stopped them, I just-”

“ ‘S not your fault. They would have hurt you too. I’m okay.”

 _Listen. He feels guilty when it’s your fault. You should be ashamed_.

Ashton could not help but notice the dullness to the younger boy’s voice. He was so calm, it sounded as if he had been through this before. Ashton didn’t have time to think about it when Luke spoke again.

“You should go. It’s late. Thank you.” He spoke in short, choppy sentences and his voice was almost a whisper. Ashton wished he would look at him when he speaks, just to catch a glance at his sparkling blue irises. The blond was mesmerizing, Ashton thought. He was so tall, with legs that seemed to go one forever. He was pale, skin almost transparent, but it looked so good on him. His shoulders were broad and he had the cutest nose, slightly up-turned and so boopable. Ashton watched as Luke stood, hugging himself and one foot resting slightly on top of the other. He was not letting this boy go.

“Would you like to stay with me tonight Luke?

Luke visibly stiffened at the suggestion, much to Ashton’s notice.

“Sorry- um, if that’s weird. I just- Luke you can’t stay here, obviously, and your brother. I don’t feel safe leaving you with them. I can even drive you to child services tomorrow, if that’s okay, and-” his ramble was cut off by a loud cry at the mention of the service. Could Ashton make this any worse? “Shit- Luke I’m sorry I didn’t mean to just- please. Stay the night, yeah?”

The taller boy wiped his eyes with his sleeves and seemed to consider the idea. He couldn’t stay with this boy, he had just met him. What if he murders him? He wouldn’t do that, this boy is an absolute sweetheart that Luke would pretty much do anything for and before he can stop himself he’s replying- “Okay. I’ll stay… Thank you Ashton.”

“Of course, Lukey.”

His heart fluttered at the pet name and he couldn’t help but smile- a _genuine_ smile. But his stomach dropped when he realized, he will be sleeping at Ashton’s home. 

_Wonder what he’ll do when he hears you snore? Probably be disgusted. He’s probably disgusted just by looking at you. He’s too good for you, you don’t deserve him._

“Luke what are you talking about?” It took Luke a moment to realize what he had just let slip from his mouth, and Ashton was rambling on. “Don’t deserve me?” He said, taking long strides to embrace Luke. He whispered in his ear, “I’m afraid you deserve more than I can give you. Come home with me. It’s my pleasure.” And something about this boy just made Luke trust him.

_**~** _

Ashton’s appartment was… nice. It was cleaner than Luke’s house had ever been, and it definitely did not smell like his brothers’ drugs and alcohol. It wasn’t huge, it had a kitchen, two piece bathroom, living room, and one bedroom, which Luke insisted Ashton keeping, leaving Luke to sleep on the couch. It was also strange being in someone else’s home. He hadn’t been to any one’s house beside his own since before that day. It’s not like he had friends, beside Calum and Michael, but whenever they hung out Luke refused to go to their houses. He felt like an intruder.

Luke lay awake on the sofa of Ashton’s flat, thinking about nothing and everything all at once. The moonlight illuminated his silhouette, the night sky seeping in through a small opening in the curtains. He reached under his pillow to check the time.

**4:14 AM**

Usually at this time, he’d be waking up, thrashing around in his bed, memories of his father clouding his brain, but now he couldn’t even get to sleep. The events of the previous night kept replaying in his head, the jetty, the cool breeze, Ashton, his house, his brothers, his mum. It hadn’t quite hit Luke yet- she’s _dead_. Never to be seen again. He couldn’t help but feel guilty, why was he not that upset? He loved Liz, he did, but she was never a real mother and he knew that. If anything, Luke was the caretaker of that home- no. It wasn’t his home.

A home is somewhere you can feel safe, happy, welcomed, loved. Luke has never felt any of those. A single tear spilled down his cheek, but he couldn’t help but smile, a tiny tiny smile. His mum was dead, she’ll be missed. But the monster she had become after his father was taken away will not.

_**~** _

Luke awoke to the sound of pots clattering in the kitchen, then spotting Ashton at the stove.

“Morning Luke!” He said with half smile. “We need to leave in about an hour if you wanna get to the appointment on time. I made breakfast though. Take your time and get ready, no rush.”

Luke climbed off of the couch, rubbing sleep from his eyes, and made his way to the bathroom. Drowsily, he pulled off the sweats Ashton had lent him and step into his jeans from the day before. He slipped on his shirt and briefly rinsed his mouth with water since he hadn’t a tooth brush. (He was sure if he asked, Ashton would get him one.)

Ashton was preparing plates piled high with scrambled eggs, toast, and bacon when he noticed Luke. He froze in place, this boy was gorgeous even when he had just woken up. His quiff was flattened down, now sticking in all directions. “Foods ready. Come eat when you’re ready,” the curly haired boy said, digging into his own meal.

Luke joined him at the table. He knew he wouldn’t be able to eat this but he didn’t want to be rude, so he took a fork and poked a bit at his breakfast, trying to make it look like he was enjoying it.

“Thank you,” He finally spoke up, “For all of this. You didn’t have to do any of this.”

Ashton looked up to Luke, whose eyes were to watery for Ashton’s liking. He rested a large hand on Luke’s boney leg. “You don’t need to thank me Luke.”

After the small conversation, they sat in silence for a while. It wasn’t awkward, in fact Luke was grateful he didn’t have to talk. But Ashton wasn’t blind to the fact that Luke hadn’t eaten a single bite. Ashton wasn’t stupid either- he could tell Luke didn’t eat a whole lot. The boy was basically skin and bones and it broke his heart. He wanted to prove to Luke how much he really matters.

“Luke?” He caught his attention. “Can you please eat something for me?”

Luke’s blood went cold. His eyes welled with tears of panic and frustration. He knew, Ashton _knew_ and now he was going to think he’s a weirdo and how stupid does Luke have to _be_ -

“Not all of it, it’s okay. Just a couple bites, yeah? For me Luke?” Ashton held up a forkful of eggs.

Luke sat there shaking, not able to comprehend what was going on. His breathing grew shallow and everything began to spin. His head felt light his heart felt as if it were beating out of his chest.

“Luke? _Luke!_ Hey, you’re okay, breathe. Shh, that’s it.” 

No one had ever been able to calm Luke so quickly before during a panic attack, not even Calum or Mikey, but Ashton, it was like he just knew what to do.

“Yeah you’re okay Lukey. It’ll be over soon, yeah?” He was right, the panic would be over soon, he began to relax at this realization and melted into the older boy’s touch.

“It’s okay, you’re okay. Everything’s gonna be okay.” And for the first time in years, Luke kind of believed it. But one thing confused Luke more than anything in the world.

How was Ashton so familiar with this situation?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you know? An update is actually on time for once! I wonder why Ashton is so familiar with that situation hm? Thank you for reading, love you all. Kudos are appreciated greatly and comments make me so so happy!


	11. Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashton held Luke’s hand as they walked into the large building, the blonde boy hiding slightly behind Ashton as he asked the clerk where to go, and Ashton definitely did _no_ t find it absolutely endearing.

Calum lay in his bed for several hours after awakening from a restless night of sleep. Slowly, he sat up rubbing the sleep from his eyes and cursed himself when he felt the stickiness of dry tears from his sleep. He couldn’t remember why he had woken so early in the first place but he was reminded when his phone buzzed loudly on his night stand. He reached for the device, squinting at the bright light of the screen and his stomach twisted as he read the name appearing before him.

**7 New Messages**  
**From: Mikey:D**  
**Cal answer the god damned phone I’m fucking serious.**

Calum rolled his eyes. He was most certainly not in the mood to talk about the fight the two had had previously. But he couldn’t help the yearning in his chest at the thought of being with Mikey again. It all went so well and every single detail was playing over and over in his head non-stop, the feeling of the older man’s soft skin against his, the sound of his little moans and the smell of sex and just _Michael,_ he could still feel the sharp thrusts pounding into Calum.

He remembered the heartbreak he felt once he realized he could never have that again. That Michael didn’t even remember. That Michael didn’t even care. Calum snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of his phone buzzing yet again. It was a call this time. Hastily he unlocked it and spoke into the speaker.

“Can I help you at arse-o’clock in the morning?”

“Calum-” Michael said. He sounded out of breath, almost like he’d been crying. “Calum please listen-”

“What do you possibly need to say Michael? Because I’ve said everything that I needed to already.” Calum’s tone was harsh and he immediately regretted it once the words left his mouth.

“Cali- no you don’t mean that. You don’t hate me Cal I’m so so sorry.” There was silence on the end of the phone when Michael finally remembered the actual reason he called. “We'll tell Luke. Okay? You were right, we need to but Calum when the fuck was the last time you even heard from him?” Michael was yelling now, voice mixed with worry and confusion. Calum was frightened. It _had_ been a while since he heard from his blonde friend. Lord knows what Luke can do to himself when he’s left alone

“What do you mean Mike?”

“I’m scared Cali he’s never ignored us this long. I’m going to his house to check on him right now but I want you here. He needs us both. Then, once he’s okay again, we can tell him, yeah?”

Calum smiled lightly at the concern in his friend’s voice. Michael was right. There was no way he could ever hate Michael. “I’ll be over in a bit Mike. Just text me once you get there.”

There was no response from the other line.

“Mikey?”

_Silence._

“Michael what the hell is going on?”

“It’s. . . gone. “ He mumbled in disbelief.

“What are you talking about? Are you still drunk or something?” Calum suddenly heard quiet sobs from the other end of the call which was alarming; Michael never cried. Everyone knew that. No matter how sad Michael was, he did not cry.

Never when people could see, at least.

“Michael talk to me please. Tell me what’s going on. What’s gone?” Calum was just sliding on the closest pair of skinnies he could find, preparing to walk out into the cool bite of the morning air when Michael finally spoke again.

“It’s gone Cali. The house is fucking _gone_.” And the line went dead.

_**~** _

Michael’s words kept repeating in Calum’s mind. It’s gone? How can a house just disappear? Though he was worried for what he was going to find, and for his friend’s sanity, he was also still fuming at Michael. His chest still ached at the thought of not being wanted by his best friend but he didn’t blame him, he wasn’t anything special.

Rubbing his arms and teeth chattering from the cold, he reached the last corner before his youngest friend’s house. Rounding the curve, nothing could have prepared him for what met his eyes.

Michael was right, the house was gone. There was black everything, black burned grass, black rubble, the air still was a bit smokey. And if Calum blamed the tears welling up in his eyes because of that, well, no one needed to know. There were no cars near the house, which was no surprise considering Luke’s older brother’s were never home anyway but there was no Luke either. However, there was a balled up Mikey laying in the once fresh grass, sobbing so violently he was shaking. How Calum hadn’t heard him before, he did not know. Without even realizing, his legs were moving quickly over to his distressed best friend. 

Wrapping his arms around Michael, he whispered soothing words into his ear until the dyed haired boy managed to calm down enough so he could at least speak.

“Did you call him?” Which, of course Michael called Luke. That was probably the first thing he did.

“No answer,” was all he said.

“Do you have a clue where he could be?” Calum questioned, some of his own tears streaking his cheeks as they overflowed their barrier.

“What if he’s in there, Cal?” He said it so quietly Calum almost didn’t hear it.

“What do you mean?” He knew exactly what his friend meant but he did not want to think that way.

“What if he’s in there, Calum-” He lifted a shaky fingered and pointed it to the remnants of the house. “What if he’s _dead?”_

_**~** _

When he and Ashton were finally pulling into the parking lot of the child services building, Luke’s phone wrung for the umpteenth time in a row. He felt guilty, he really did, for ignoring his friends but he couldn’t bare talking to them right now. Talking meant telling of the horrible events of last night, and it was far too soon for that. 

_Suck it up. Think about someone besides yourself for once Luke. They’re probably worried sick._

His stomach felt nauseous as evil thoughts consumed his mind once again. He hated himself for being so selfish. His friends deserved to know. 

Ashton held Luke’s hand as they walked into the large building, the blonde boy hiding slightly behind Ashton as he asked the clerk where to go, and Ashton definitely did _not_ find it absolutely endearing.

After moments of sitting in the waiting room with a trembling Luke by his side, a tall, slender woman walked through the doors asking for Luke Hemmings. Her jet black locks cascaded down her covered shoulders, stopping mid waist. She wearing bright red stilettos and her matching red lips called the two men into her office

“Hello my name is Cynthia Leed and I will be in charge of Luke’s placement with caregivers, him being a minor.” The lady spoke, leading the pair into a large office. It was decorated neatly with a back wall made entirely of glass. There was a tall wooden desk with a name-plate resting on it, and Cynthia motioned for Ashton and Luke to sit. “Before we get down to business I would like to discuss a few things if you don’t mind.”

Both men nodded in approval. Cynthia picked up a manilla folder, reading its contents before she spoke again.

“Okay, Luke I understand you are new to this so I’d like to explain what’s going to happen from here. Because you are under the age of 18, my job is to find you a legal adult to take care of you until you are of legal age. It says here you have two brothers who are supposed to be at this meeting as well? Assigning them as your new legal guardians will most likely be the case, but of course interviews will be necessary first.”

Luke’s mouth dropped at these words and he could feel the two pair of eyes on him. He can’t live with his brothers, not all alone. Though he was terrified, he was partially relieved at hearing this news - there was no way Ben and Jack could manage to pass an interview.

“Luke.” Ashton gently nudged his arm and he realized Cynthia had been talking to him. She cleared her throat and repeated, “Is that alright with you Lucas?”

_Lucas._

Luke’s eye shot wide open and his heart began to race. The uncomfortable feeling in his chest was back, like his demons were trying to escape from the inside. The sound of that name, that awful name, had his head spinning and breathing was becoming impossibly.

“Luke- hey Lukey, you’re okay stay with me.” Ashton’s smooth voice barely made it to Luke’s ears. Ashton carded his fingers through the blonde’s flattened quiff and Cynthia gave him a bewildered look.

“I’m sorry - I - I didn’t know - what happened?”

“I’m not sure, he’s having a panic attack, please just give us a moment.”

How Ashton was able to remain so calm, Luke was not sure of. The room began to spin and his lungs were burning for oxygen. Cynthia’s voice was echoing in his brain, ‘Lucas. Lucas.’ His eyelids began to feel heavy as a hand clasped his own.

“You’re okay, Lukey.” Ashton pressed soft kisses to Luke’s forehead and nose, and the poor blued eyed boy felt his world dissolve into blackness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally we hear more from Malum. God dammit Cynthia.


	12. Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the lips left his skin he heard shuffling and a small click, then something gliding along his wrist. Another click was heard when the object was removed and cool air as being blown against his arm.

Luke awoke to warm blankets and the unfamiliar feeling of arms embracing his body. When his eyes adjusted from dark to light, he focused on the man enclosing him and found it to be none other than Ashton. And if the blonde boy’s heart fluttered a bit from this knowledge, well, nobody needed to know.

“Sleep well?” Ashton said with a small smile but worry tracing his voice.

Luke replied with an unsure grunt. “What time is it?” He asked, yawning part way through his sentence and adjusting the quilt on his body.

Ashton subconsciously lifted his hand to the nape if the smaller boy’s neck and began playing with the hair there, massaging his scalp. Luke keened into the touch, eyes slipped closes and almost purring.

“Half 2. Are you feeling any better?”

“‘M okay I think.” Ashton sensed the embarrassment and shame hiding in Luke’s words. He was curious as to what had triggered Luke but thought it better to give him time to tell him when he was ready. Luke’s cheeks were heating up and tinting themselves a beautiful berry hue and curled in on himself and if it wasn’t the most adorable thing in the world, then Ashton did not know what was.

“‘M sorry,” Luke continued. Ashton felt his heart shatter into millions of tiny shards at those two words because Luke had nothing to be sorry for, but he knew Luke would never believe that.

“You’re okay, Lukey.” Ashton whispered and pressed a shaky kiss to the top of the blonde’s head. “Cynthia decided it would be best for you to stay here until the interviews with your brother’s are approved, I hope you don’t mind. I don’t feel safe leaving you with them Luke.”

And everything came whirling back; his brothers, his house, his mum, the huge mess that is his life. The almost stranger that is holding Luke in his arms even though he usually can’t stand affection because affection is for people who are loved.

And Luke is not.

The youngest adjusted his sleeves over his hands and curled his toes between the couch cushions. His focus was on the chipped paint in the left wall, but Ashton’s was the beautiful boy beside him when he realized those crystal blue eyes were a tad too wet for his liking.

“What’s on your mind Lukey?”

The blonde shyly looked to the elder and shrugged. “Stuff,” was all he said.

“What kind of stuff?” Ashton asked carefully, trying to avoid sounding too prodding.

Luke couldn’t put a finger on it but something about the hazel eyed man was just so comforting, he felt like he could tell him anything. He felt like he understood.

“This is all just one big tsunami. And I’m drowning Ash.” Luke squeaked out, a single tear making its way down his hot skin. He brought his legs to his chest and wrapped his arms around his knees, trying to become smaller, maybe even disappear.

Ashton lifted Luke’s chin so he was looking into those beautifully bright orbs and spoke, “Everybody wipes out Lukey,” he wiped a tear with the pad of his thumb. “Your waves just happen to be bigger than most. But that’s okay, because soon the tide will lessen and your skies will clear up. You just have to find your balance in this tidal wave for me. Can you do that?”

Luke was sobbing now, sniffles and hiccups escaping him now and then. Ashton hugged him closer, ignoring the way the small boy flinched and the way his chest ached at the thought that someone’s arms had not been as welcoming as his own at one point. Then, an idea formed in Ashton’s head.

“I’ll be right back Lukey. Promise.” He said before exiting the room.

Luke stayed there out of breathe and energy. He was just so tired. Tired of everything. Too tired to be upset anymore, too tired to feel anything besides numbness. But he felt something else too, it was almost warm and calming and it was only there when Ashton was too.

Moments later the curly haired boy returned with one arm behind his back and a tiny smile tugging on his face.

“I wanna do something Lukey, but you have to trust me. Can you do that? Please?”

Luke hesitantly nodded his head.

“Okay. Need you to close your eyes for me, can you do that Princess?” Luke’s heart began to race at the thought of closing his eyes, being so vulnerable and exposed but his pulse slowed when he realized, _princess._

The blonde’s eyes squeezed shut and hugged himself.

“Need you to trust me Luke. I’d never hurt you. Could never hurt someone so beautiful.” Luke blushed and his heart ached and that damned feeling was back. Suddenly there was a hand on Luke’s sleeve. Quickly he retracted and his eyes flung open.

“Luke please. You trust me, yeah?” And in that moment Luke realised he’d do anything for this boy. He shut his eyes once more and tried to calm his racing heart as he felt Ashton carefully lift up his sleeve, it catching once on the jagged valleys in what used to be smooth flesh. Another tear slid down Luke’s cheek. He felt something warm and soft pressing against each of his scars. Kisses. Tiny little butterfly kisses on each evil mark Luke’s left on his body. Kisses meant to show Luke that he’s loved, that he’s okay.

When the lips left his skin he heard shuffling and a small click, then something gliding along his wrist. Another click was heard when the object was removed and cool air as being blown against his arm.

“Want you to open your eyes Lukey.” And Luke did. He looked at the tears forming in Ashton’s eyes and then to his wrist where something was doodled in purple marker.. Luke let out a shaky breath, unsure of what to say.

“‘S a butterfly. ‘Cause you remind me of one.”

“I do?” Another trailed down his face.

“Yeah. Butterflies are beautiful, like you,” Ashton leaned closer and brushed the stray hairs from Luke’s face. “And when they first grow their wings, they’re not sure of how to fly. But with time, they learn and soar through the sky. You just gotta learn to use your wings Lukey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is fairly short but I am proud of it. Also I hope you all know how grateful I am that you read this.


	13. Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael’s eyes softened. He hated doing this, hated what doing this did to Calum but he didn’t know what the hell else he was supposed to do. Calum gave him these eyes, eyes that made him look like a lost puppy and it physically hurt Michael because he’s supposed to hate this boy right now but he can’t because Calum is probably the cutest lost puppy he has ever _seen_.

“God fucking dammit Lucas you had us worried as shit! Why the fuck -,”

“Michael,” Calum cut off his, well. Calum wasn’t really sure what the two were anymore but he knew right now Michael was only making things worse. “He’ll thinks it’s his fault Mike,” He continued, snatching the phone from Michael, whose hair was now dyed white with a thick black stripe up the middle.

“I’m s-so sorry guys I-I d-didn’t mean to, I-” Luke’s voice was interrupted by his own sob that broke his friends’ hearts.

“Hey. Luke, listen to me. You’re okay, right? ‘S not your fault. Where are you Luke? Can you tell us what happened?” All the questions being asked were making the blonde’s head spin. Pulling on his sleeves and raking his blunt nails across his textured wrists, he let out a long shaky breath.

“I’m okay. I’m not -, my house-”

“It’s okay. We know, we saw. Are you with Jack or Ben?” Michael was speaking now, voice wreck from endless hours of screaming and crying. Not knowing what had happened to their best friend was hard for everyone. 

“No.” Luke sniffled and curled in on himself on Ashton’s fluffy couch. “I’m.. at a guy’s house. A friend.”

Calum and Michael shot each other confused looks because, well, they knew Luke was not the most socially skilled person in the world. Not that they minded.

“A friend? Does he have a name? Wait Luke where the fuck are you? Can we come over, please?” The pale boy stopped himself, not wanting to drown his friend in questions. “Need to see you.”

“Mikey… no I can’t. Please it’s not-”

“Luke please,” Calum interjected. “We wanna help. Tell us where you are ‘nd we can help you, yeah?” Calum and Michael both silently prayed they were convincing enough for their blonde friend. The line was silent for a while, leaving both boys to wonder if Luke had hung up. Michael opened his mouth to speak again but Luke beat him to hi.

“I’ll text you the address,” He almost inaudibly spoke, and the line went dead.

Luke pulled his blanket further up his body, toes curled in between the couch cushions, and slammed his phone on the coffee table in front of him, unaware of Ashton emerging from the kitchen holding two mugs of steaming tea. If he wouldn’t eat, he prayed Luke would at least drink.

Ignoring the way Luke’s eyes were more wet than he’d like, the curly haired boy asked, “How did it go?” Before reclining next to the blonde’s shaking figure and placing the two mugs on the table.

Luke ignored the question and asked, “Is it okay if someone comes over? Maybe two someones?

Ashton timidly took Luke’s hand in his own and caressed the soft skin with the back of his thumb. “Course Lukey. Who were you thinking?”

“Friends. They just - I need to tell them in person and-”

“Hey, hey,” Ashton said, hating seeing Luke get so worked up over such a simple question. “I get it Luke. Just let me know when they’ll be by.” And with that, Luke smiled at how understanding his new friend his. He shot a text with the address of the building and Michael and Calum were on their way.

**_~_ **

After searching up directions to the apartment where Luke is staying, the duo hurry into Michael’s car and speed away to the city. A light mist is falling from the winter clouds, colourful flowers blossoming on each side of the road. The air outside was warm and humid, while inside the car it was thick with tension.

Ever since the morning after the party things just hadn’t been the same between the two. Annoyed by the awkward silence Calum reached to turn the radio on, hand brushing Michael’s as he attempted to do the same. Both men retracted, faces flushed from neck to ears. Calum kept continuously shifted in his seat, trying to find a comfortable position to no avail, however he did manage to get Mikey’s attention.

“Would you quit moving around and stay still? ‘S distracting.” He rolled his eyes, irritated by Calum already.

“I can’t get comfortable,” He said. “‘M sore.”

Smirking, Michael took this wonderful chance he had and replied, “From what? It’s been days bro I didn’t fuck you _that_ hard.”

Calum nearly choked on his own spit and his jaw dropped. Hearing that was like igniting a fire in him, two could play at that game.

He scoffed and said, “No arsehole, from football. We did conditioning. Besides, ‘s not like I’d be able to still feel you. Couldn’t feel you even when it happened.” And Calum’s embers drifted to Michael, who judging by the tomato red face just looked like he was on fire. With a strong boot to the brake, Michael stopped the car causing Calum to fly forward into the windshield. The car started again only to pull over to the side of the road.

“The fuck did you say, Hood?”

Calum was giggling now, fucking _giggling_ , and the cute sounds made it damned hard for Michael to be mad at him. “I know you’re not deaf, you heard me _Clifford_.”

“Yeah, I heard you but it sure didn’t sound like you felt that way with my dick up your ass!” Michael’s voice had gotten significantly louder and Calum had veins popping out on his neck, both men were leaning closer as the argument dragged on.

“You’d whine too if you had to fucking clench just to feel something during sex!” That was lie and they both knew it. Even before the two hooked up, they were best friends, of course they’d seen each other naked. They’d probably seen each other’s pricks more than is called for in a normal friendship. And by no means was Michael small, he wasn’t as long as Calum but he was thicker with a pretty head and veinless shaft and - that wasn’t the point. The point is that this insult still fed Michael’s inferno.

The dyed haired boy narrowed his eyes and forcefully grabbed the collar of Calum’s shirt. Calum kept the gaze Michael held on him, noses grazing each other.

“You sure fucking came pretty fast for not feeling anything.”

“Out of pity.”

“Yeah? ‘M not gonna take any fucking pity on you right now Hood.” He said, climbing over his chair and yanking the tanner boy’s arm with him.

Calum furrowed his eyebrows and opened his mouth to question the other but he beat him to it. “Get the fuck in the back seat.” And if Calum’s member twitched and the tone of voice Michael was using, well, no one needed to know. Not so gracefully he followed the pale boy who wasted no time in ridding Calum of all cloathes besides his boxers, a tent already forming in the front. Before he even had time to protest, lips were smashing onto his and he absolutely totally did not melt into the kiss. It was hot and rough and all clashing teeth but he loved it and he hated that this boy had so much of an effect on him.

The kiwi impatiently pried his tongue past the opening of Michael’s lips and explored his mouth with his tongue. Groaning, Michael reached down to tug off his own shirt before trailing his mouth along his partner’s neck, peppering kisses and biting the sensitive skin there. After a few moments he trailed his tongue over the purple mark to soothe it.

In between moans the boys exchanged banter, “I can’t fucking stand you.”

“Gotta teach you a lesson, yeah?”

A shiver made its way up Calum’s spine at those words and he brought his hands down to the button on Michael’s jeans. “In your fucking dreams babe.” He yanked Calum’s hand away and flipped the younger boy over onto his hands and knees, dragging his underwear down his dark legs. The older man sat there for a few seconds just admiring the tiny hole in front of him, tight and warm and lacking any hair. He gently traced his fingers across the golden cheeks, kneading the globes between his calloused palms. Calum groaned at the sensation, goosebumps sprouting all over his skin.

“You like that baby boy?”

“Yeah, Mike, please.”

“Such a need baby boy Cali.” Michael leaned over and whispered in his ear, lightly dragging his tongue on the shell of Calum’s ear before delivering one harsh smack to Calum’s bum. The raven let out a loud moan and secretly hoped it was the first of many.

“Mike please touch me, fuck.”

“Sorry babe. Bad boys don’t get what they want,”

SMACK

“And you’ve been a bad boy, haven’t you?”

SMACK

Calum was shaking beneath Michael, each spank causing him to harden further.

“More, please I need you.” Calum squeaked out, rutting his hips against the air in hopes of any type of friction.

“Such a needy slut aren’t you Cali? You want my fingers? That make you feel better?” Michael gave him no time to answer and pushed his fingers into Calum’s mouth, pulling them out once they were dripping in saliva. Carefully he brought one finger to the tan boy’s pucker, rubbing against it when he noticed something he had not before.

“Cal…” Michael said while playing with the hole. Calum’s breath hitched when realizing what the other boy was about to say. “You’re open.”

“Mikey I, fuck. Earlier I just-”

“Fuck that’s so hot Calum.” Michael gasped out, pressing his index and middle finger into his already stretched hole. Immediately he began thrusting his thick digits in and out of the smaller boy who was grinding back against the pale fingers in no time. He added a third and curled his fingers, angling his thrusts so they perfectly drilled into his special bud of nerves.

“Michael please please I’m ready please!”

“Yeah? What’re you ready for Cali?” He brought his tongue down the join his fingers in the ring of muscle, licking and slurping and kissing at the tight heat. “You ready for my cock Cal?”

“Please please I need it Mikey, please!” Calum was begging, beads of sweat forming at the dip of his back. 

“Your wish is my command babe.” Michael smirked, removing his pants in record time and aligning his leaking cock with Calum’s stretched hole. “Ready?”

“Fucking go Michael!” And Michael was thrusting into the boy underneath him, the two simultaneously moaning. Michael delivered another slap to Calum’s right cheek, eliciting mouthwatering noises from him.

“Fuck, how are you still so damned tight?” Michael gasped, still in shock of the way his dick was enveloped so tightly into his heat. “God your hole just swallows me Cali.”

“Harder Mikey please!”

“Yeah? Can you feel me now Calum? Feel me right in here?” Michael enclosed Calum’s hand in his and guided it down to the area where the kiwi’s tummy meets his groin. He pushed lightly against the bulge there and continued thrusting his hips into the younger man. “Feel me fucking right into you here Cal?”

Calum replied with a high whimper, sounding completely wrecked just from Michael’s cock. “‘M close Mikey please!”

“You’re close baby boy? Gonna come from just my cock in you?” His pale hand found its way to Calum’s nipple, twisting and pinching causing him to whine. “You gonna be a good boy and cum for me?” And that was it, Calum was seeing stars as his orgasm ripped through him. Hot white spilled all over the car seat and his belly but he was in too much of a euphoric state to care. Michael continued fucking into the smaller boy with heat pooling in the pit of his stomach. It was like a spark at the bottom of his spine shot through him, shooting his load in thick spurts and coating the inside of the other boy. The older boy continued to angle sharp thrusts into Calum’s prostate and rode out both of their highs before they both collapsed, a pile of sweaty and come-slick bodies.

They lay there for a few moments before Michael finally spoke.

“We should probably hit the road. They’re probably worried about us and you know how Luke gets.”

Calum lifted his head and shot the other boy a look of disbelief. But then again, it kind of wasn’t disbelief because he almost expected nothing more from Michael.

“Yeah. We better go. Wouldn’t want them to think I was fucking a dumb fucking prick like you.”

Michael’s eyes softened. He hated doing this, hated what doing this did to Calum but he didn’t know what the hell else he was supposed to do. Calum gave him these eyes, eyes that made him look like a lost puppy and it physically hurt Michael because he’s supposed to hate this boy right now but he can’t because Calum is probably the cutest lost puppy he has ever _seen_.

“Calum I don’t know what you want me to do. You know fucking well we can’t head over there and scream to the world what just happened when who knows what Luke is going through right now! His damned house doesn’t even exist anymore and his brother’s abandoned him! You want me to just say, ‘Hey bud! Long time no see. I know your life’s kinda shit but I fucked your best mate! Love you.’”

“No.”

“Then what do you want from me?”

“I want you to stay away.” Calum’s words were like knives, puncturing Michael’s vital organs.

“You don’t mean that and we both know it.” Michael said, only half believing it.

“Luke’s life is being destroyed right now Mike.” Calum whispered, a tear sliding down his cheek. “And we gotta help. I can’t do that when my own life is being torn down too.” Calum’s heart ached for Michael and it hurt too much to keep doing this. “Stay away until we fix it with Luke. Then maybe I’ll be able to stand you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao this was not supposed to happen i swear but Malum af
> 
>  
> 
> (A/N): Hey y'all can you help me out? I've been crying my eyes out the past few days because @fatziall on Twitter hacked my account that Calum Hood was following. Could you do me a favour and report them on Twitter? I'm so devastated. thank you so much for caring <3


	14. Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashton lay thinking about the beautiful boy beside him, turning his head to study his soft features; deep, brightly tinted blue irises with long golden eyelashes to drape them. Smooth pale skin an adorable slightly upturned nose that Ashton really wanted to boop and think pink lips that Ashton couldn’t help but think about how they would feel moving against his own and - _what_?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Calum followed me on twitter like four months ago but the other day this girl hacked my account so I am really sad now. Anyways enjoy this angsty installment.

Luke and Ashton sat cuddled up in the elder’s cozy apartment sipping their steaming tea in a comfortable silence. The curly haired boy had his strong arm wrapped around the blonde’s shoulder, whose head was resting on Ashton’s shoulder. And it kind of might have brought a smile to Luke’s face.

Only a little.

Ashton lay thinking about the beautiful boy beside him, turning his head to study his soft features; deep, brightly tinted blue irises with long golden eyelashes to drape them. Smooth pale skin an adorable slightly upturned nose that Ashton really wanted to boop and think pink lips that Ashton couldn’t help but think about how they would feel moving against his own and - _what_?

The older boy shook his head in attempts to snap out of his daydream. Luke was his new friend. Friend. Friends don’t think about friends that way. Luckily Ashton was able to get his mind of of that when a knock was heard at the door, signalling the arrival of Luke’s best friends.

It was heartwarming, Ashton thought, how Luke perked up at the realization that the pair was finally here. But his heart also tore slightly when he saw the younger jump at the knocking noise, nuzzling his head into Ashton’s shoulder out of fear from the sudden sound.

They both stood and slowly made their way over to the entrance, Luke’s heart was pounding in his chest. He shouldn’t be nervous, these were his best and only friends. He knew they would support him and be there for him but the thought of retelling the story, _reliving_ it, sent a shiver up his spine. Ashton rest his right hand on the small of Luke’s back and reached for the door knob, opening it and revealing two men.

Ashton first noticed their height, not many people are as tall as himself and Luke. The one on the left kind of intimidated him, with his multi-coloured hair and metal bar through his eyebrow. He was wearing torn black skinnies and a faded black Metallica muscle tee which looked almost as disheveled as the hair of the tan boy next to him. This one was not nearly as scary, he had adorably squishy looking cheeks and big chocolaty eyes. His nose was on the bigger side but it suited him.

Ashton definitely took note of the way his hair was mussed. Almost like hands had been raking through those thick locks earlier.

Before he had a chance to introduce himself Luke was throwing himself into the arms of the paler one, the hugging pair then was joined by the tanner.

“God we’ve missed you Lukey,” the shorter said and - _hey._ That’s Ashton’s nickname for him.

The darker boy spoke up next, voice slightly muffled due to his face being shoved in the fabric of Luke’s jumper. “We’re so glad you’re okay.”

The three eventually split and Ashton finally spoke. “Hi, I’m Ashton, come in.”

“I’m Calum, and this is Michael,” he said, motioning to the other. “Nice to meet you.” Calum pulled Ashton into a hug and whispered, “Thank you for taking care of him.” without Luke noticing.

He met Calum’s eyes with a smile and mouthed the words ‘of course.’ He could tell just how protective these boys were of Luke and how much they cared for him. He liked them already.

The four sat down in the living room, Ashton with Luke beside him on the sofa and the other pair sharing the loveseat. They looked stiff and Ashton could feel the thick tension between the two.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Michael asked, not really sure how to start the conversation and not wanting to force anything out of his friend.

The blonde let out a shaky breath and adjusted his sleeves once again, shifting under the pressure of all eyes being on him. “Uh, yeah. So, as you know this is Ashton.” He began, voice wavering with nervousness. “We met at the jetty. a couple of days ago and we talked and he decided to walk me home.” He decided to leave out the parts of him almost drowning himself. Ashton tensed and squeezed the younger boy’s shoulder, telling him it’s okay. He’s safe.

Tears began to well up in his eyes and he started to sniffle. Telling this story, the story of his life (or the past few days of it) makes everything real. No longer can he refuse to accept the truth and hope everything will be okay. He continued.

“We got home-” He cut himself off. Home is somewhere you feel loved, and wanted. Home is safe and sound and happiness and nothing he ever had there was home. “- to my house. And Ben was there, and Jack. But the house -- it was gone.” One hot tear after another rolled down his now flushed cheeks and Ashton’s heart hurt for the boy. He could only imagine how he was feeling. “It was really smokey and there was just some char left. All the fire was already out.”

Luke’s voice was becoming choked and you could hear the lump in his throat. Calum and Michael looked no better than their friend. The pair sat an awkward distance from each other but they both had red watery eyes and looks of disbelief. Luke’s expression on the other hand was unreadable by any of the three. His face looked blank, emotionless, _empty_. “M’ mum’s dead,” He said, staring straight ahead at nothing in particular. “Might have to live with Ben or Jack. The fire, it was from a joint. Spread to some stuff and became big and now it’s all gone.” There was not a single dry eye in the room anymore Luke let himself fall back into Ashton’s arms. A river of tears were streaming across Luke’s soft cheeks and dampened the curly haired boy’s sweater when he leaned his face against his shoulder, not that Ashton minded. The group sat in silence, Michael and Calum too stunned to speak. Too everyone’s surprise, Luke continued.

“Shouldn’t be that big of a deal really. Mike, Cal. You knew her.” He looked up to the two. “Knew how she was. She wasn’t really ever a mum to me anyways. That place held no good memories for me. But no matter what her or my da - Andy ever did for me or to me there I don’t hate them. I wish I did. Everything would hurt so much less.”

He let out another shaky breath and a pained sob, his entire body violently shaking. Michael was the first to speak. “You know there’s nothing you could have done to stop any of this Luke. You know that. And it’s okay for you to believe that. Not every problem in the world is your fault.” Michael did a good job of hiding his emotions, he always had. He was good at it in year 5 when he fell off his bike and scraped his knee in front of Calum, but he didn’t cry because Calum couldn’t think he was weak. He was good at it in year 8 when he first met Lukem masking his fondness for the boy with hate. He was good at it in year 10 when he first told his two friends he was not-so-straight, masking his fear with a false smirk and dark laugh. He was good at it now, hiding the horrible feeling of a hole in his chest caused by Luke’s words.

“You shouldn’t be sorry for anything Luke.” Calum said, wiping a stray tear from his cheek with the back of his hand. He hated seeing Luke this way, truly broken with no more strength left to fight. It scared him.

Ashton spoke next, lifting Luke’s head by placing two fingers beneath his chin. He almost forgot what he was about to say when he let his vision wonder to the blonde’s wet eyes. “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except yourself. You owe yourself the compassion you deserve. It’s okay to not be happy.”

Luke had heard these words millions of times before from Michael and Calum, but for some reason, hearing them from the boy in front of him made him almost believe it. Ashton made him feel safe. In the short time he’d known Ashton, he’d smiled more than he thinks he ever has in that past few months of his life. Mikey and Cal were great but something about the hazel eyed boy made him all warm inside. Made him think that maybe things will be okay. Ashton made him feel comfortable and loved.

Maybe Ashton was Luke’s home.


	15. Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Mike. It’s okay.”
> 
> Calum and Michael gasped, surprised at how calm their friend was being.
> 
> “It is? You’re not mad?”
> 
> The blonde was confused this time. “Why would I be mad? You guys are basically my only friends. Even if I was mad at you I really wouldn’t have a choice but to be okay with it anyways,”
> 
> The second oldest and youngest relaxed at this.
> 
> “There wasn’t any feelings at all? None?” Luke asked, almost giggling (god, Ashton loved his giggle). “That’s no fun.” He faked a pout, jutting out his lower lip.
> 
> “Nope. Completely platonic and regretful.” Calum said. But something about the way Calum forced that out and the look on Michael’s face when he did told Ashton that maybe there was more to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really digging The Strays and With Ears to See and Eyes to Hear by SWS right now.

While Ashton held the youngest boy and comforted him, he glanced to the other two pairs of eyes on them. He wasn’t sure about Luke, but Ashton could sense the thick tension as soon as the duo stepped foot in the room. Something was up with them, and if that didn’t give it away, the awkward distance between Calum and Michael plus the refusal to make eye contact with each other did. Not wanting to disturb the distressed boy, Ashton held him closer while mouthing to the almost-strangers, “What?” Neither mouthed back. The eldest rolled his eyes.

Eventually the blue eyed boy sat up by himself, not meeting anyone’s eyes. He sniffled and there were dry tear tracks on his flushed skin, eyelashes spiky from the moisture. Even still he looked beautiful, Ashton decided.

He let out a shaky breath and wiped his wet eyes with the back of his hand and whispered out apologies to the other three in the room. “I really don’t deserve any of you. I probably wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you all.”

Ashton’s heart clenched at the thought of Luke not even being alive, of never even meeting Luke, but Michael and Calum were both overcome with a new wave of guilt.

Michael shot Calum a knowing look, raising one eyebrow in nervous question and in return the darker lad clenched his jaw and whispered, “No fucking way. Not now.”

He glared back at the Kiwi and shouted in a hushed tone, “You can’t just say no every time! He needs to know bro. No, he deserves to.” Michael had a point and they both knew that.

“Who deserves to know what?” The couple both jumped at the sudden intrusion on their conversation and both could feel all colour drain from their face at the realization of who had overheard them.

The hazel eyed boy studied the two with a curious look on his face. Beside him, Luke shared the same confused expression, bundled up in a fuzzy blanket covering him and Ashton, the older boy’s arm hooked around his waist. The four sat in and tense awkward silence and Ashton’s stare became less curious and more annoyed. He knew something was up, he could tell and right now was not the time to start anything else for Luke’s sake. What surprised all of them was when Luke spoke, almost inaudibly, “What’s wrong?” The blonde looked so scared and upset and the way he curled in on himself made him seem so small and maybe a little adorable. But they all knew that ‘What’s wrong?’ in Luke’s head really translates to “What did I mess up now?” and Michael really couldn’t stand Luke thinking any more poorly of himself so he blurted out, “Me and Cal fucked.”

Calum choked on his own saliva, sending the pale boy a murderous glare and Ashton only looked more lost. Luke on the other hand sat there with eyes blown wide open looking dazed and his skin red all over. He didn’t look angry or sad so that was good but he did silently nod, asking them to explain.

“It was at the party the other night-”

“What party?” Luke asked, not seeming jealous, but genuinely curious.

Calum spoke this time. “There was a party a few days ago, it wasn’t a huge deal. We figured you wouldn’t want to join us anyways so we just…” he trailed off, quietly begging Michael to cut in. Luckily he took the hint.

“We were just drunk, playing some games and then it just kind of… happened, I guess? I mean, not really, I didn’t just like fall inside of Calum, it was totally consensual and stuff but-” Calum interrupted his rambling and continued.

“Luke we wanted to tell you, I swear but then all of this happened and we couldn’t put anymore pressure on you.” His chocolate irises were big and pleading and Luke could tell his friends were really upset with everything. He understood.

“So you were drunk? It was an accident then, right? A one time thing?” Before Michael had the chance to answer, Calum interjected.

“Yeah. Once. Never again.” He turned his head to Mike whose face dropped at that. Not only did Calum just lie to Luke about what happened between them but he also made it pretty clear it was the most unimportant event in his life if the look on his face was anything to go by. Michael could live with that, the raven not wanting him back, But Luke needed to know everything.

“No,” he began, catching the attention of everyone in the room. Before this random burst of confidence had time to escape him, he made himself look at Calum in the eyes and continued. “Twice. It was twice, one time when we were drunk at the party and another time when - well, when we were driving here…” Michael became more silent when he actually realized what he was telling the others and his face heated up as the blood rushed to his cheeks. “Luke I’m sorry, we really did want to tell you.”

“Mike. It’s okay.”

Calum and Michael gasped, surprised at how calm their friend was being.

“It is? You’re not mad?”

The blonde was confused this time. “Why would I be mad? You guys are basically my only friends. Even if I was mad at you I really wouldn’t have a choice but to be okay with it anyways.”

Calum and Michael visibly relaxed at this.

“There wasn’t any feelings at all? None?” Luke asked, almost giggling (god, Ashton loved his giggle). “That’s no fun.” He faked a pout, jutting out his lower lip.

“Nope. Completely platonic and regretful.” Calum said. But something about the way Calum forced that out and the look on Michael’s face when he did told Ashton that maybe there was more to it.

****

~

Once Michael and Calum left the apartment, Luke was okay. He wasn’t ecstatic about anything but he wasn’t feeling numb anymore either. He was almost a little happy to be able to spend a night alone with Ashton and no crying for once.

The couple were curled up on the couch beneath a puffy quilt watching ‘The Lego Movie,’ only because Ashton loved the way Luke perked up at the mention of the title when he was reading off films he owned. Aside from the TV, the room was quiet while they waited for the pizza that was ordered a few minutes prior. They both knew Luke most likely would not eat much of it but the curly haired boy was persistent on trying to convince the blonde that it was okay.

Right as Luke’s eyelids began to feel heavy, the doorbell rang signalling their meal was there.

As Ashton went to answer the door and pay, Luke set the table with a plate for Ashton and some napkins. Hesitantly, he grabbed one more plate for himself.When he came back in the room carrying the warm box of delicious smelling pizza, Ashton was shocked to see Luke sitting at the table with a plate in front of him. He sat down and took out one slice for himself and looked to Luke.

“How bout a small one. You can do that for me, right Lukey?” He looked intimidated by the meal, but he gave the older boy a small smile and nodded. He could do that for Ashton.

After twenty minutes, Ashton had devoured two pieces and Luke about three quarters of one. The blonde pushed his plate away, telling Ashton he was full. Ashton was so extremely proud of Luke.

“Lukey, look it.” He said, a smile tugging at his lips and tears brimming in his eyes. “You ate for me. I’m so, so proud of you.” He voiced, reaching up to cup Luke’s cheek in his large hand.

Luke, avoiding eye contact, adjusted his sleeves and spoke so quietly Ashton strained o hear him. “Wasn’t even a whole piece. I can’t do it Ashy.”

“Luke. Look at me, please? Yeah. There are those beautiful eyes. When was the last time you ate that much? Not for a long time, yeah? And now today you’ve accomplished so much.” They were so close now, noses almost touching and Luke’s eyes were a bit more wet than Ashton would have liked. “Soon you’ll be able to finish a whole piece, and then maybe two. Give it some time Lukey boy. No one’s rushing you.”

Luke decided that night that he was truly extremely grateful. Ashton leaned in closer to him and wiped a stray tear away from the younger’s cheek with his thumb. He could feel his heart race increasing and his palms were becoming sweaty when Ashton whispered, “This okay?” And instead of responding, the blue eyed boy surprised both of them by closing the distance between them and locking his lips with Ashton’s soft, pink ones. They felt like heaven against his own. His chest felt tight and it was becoming hard to breath but it was in the good way this time.

Ashton cautiously moved his lips against Luke’s. The kiss was sweet, no tongue, only a symbol of compassion between the two.

Eventually the blonde pulled away, getting lost in the hazel orbs in front of his own crystal blues. “Yeah,” he whispered, answering Ashton’s previous question.

For once, Luke felt more than okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for those of you who have stuck around for this all :-) enjoy some fluffy lashton


	16. Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The early rays of the morning sun had just begun streaming in through the propped window, dusting a beautiful orange glow onto Ashton’s already tan skin and Luke’s cheeks heated up because _he was in bed with Ashton Irwin and he kind of would like to stay in his arms forever._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I worked really hard on this, I didn't have time to proofread all of it but I hope you enjoy :-)

When Luke awoke the next morning curled into Ashton’s side his heart fluttered at the memory of the previous night’s events. He had kissed someone, a boy. A boy named Ashton. A boy who could possibly be the cutest and most heart warming person in the world. Luke felt like he should feel awkward or guilty but no matter what he just felt content. The early rays of the morning sun had just begun streaming in through the propped window, dusting a beautiful orange glow onto Ashton’s already tan skin and Luke’s cheeks heated up because _he was in bed with Ashton Irwin and he kind of would like to stay in his arms forever._

Luke knew he was gay, he’d known for quite a while, but he had never really crushed on a boy other than celebrities. It was all new and very intimidating. The blonde carefully lifted his hand up to Ashton’s forehead and brushed away the stray hairs falling into the boy’s closed eyes before continuing to card his fingers through the unruly golden locks.

After a few minutes, Ashton’s eyelids flutter open and met with the most beautiful image he’d ever seen. Luke continued massaging the elder’s scalp and Ashton hugged him tighter. The pale boy had sleepy eyes and his hair was flattened to one side. His bright eyes were big and innocent and somehow he managed to look shy and bold all at once.

Ashton pulled himself up so his back was resting on the headboard and raspily said to the boy still in his arms, “Morning beautiful.” The blush making its way up Luke’s chest and to his ears only added to his flawless appearance.

Luke shivered at the sound of Ashton’s morning voice. It was so deep, so sexy, he could listen to it all day. It made his insides all tingly. Yep, definitely tingly and _fuck, morning wood._ At the realization of God simply hating him, Luke tried casually squirming away from Ashton in attempts of hiding his embarrassing boner before realizing he should probably reply to the other boy.

“Morning Ash,” He said, not-so-discreetly shifting his hips away from him.

“Hey, where are you going?” Ashton said in a mock hurt tone of voice, pulling Luke closer to him and Luke was so weak, surrendering to warm arms encircling him. The curly haired boy turned them around so Luke became the little spoon, and Ashton’s crotch against his butt did nothing to help out his problem. Now with his mouth directly beside Luke’s ear, he whispered, “I want you to know that last night made me really happy and I’m really happy that you’re in my life.” And the husky voice was really torture right now, but he couldn’t help the blush on his cheeks deepening in colour.

“‘M happy too Ashy,” He said before adding, “You saved me.”

Ashton’s hand slid lower on Luke’s tummy, fingers lightly trailing under his shirt and gently rubbing the skin there. It was nothing sexual, it was mostly in an ‘I’m here to comfort you and i really like you’ kind of way, but the blonde’s dick twitched at the sudden contact and he cursed under his breath.

Of course he couldn’t have been lucky enough for Ashton not to hear because the universe was making sure Luke would die from embarrassment. Confused, the older lifted his head and looked at the blue eyed beauty next to him. “What’s wrong?” And Luke felt awful now because Ashton was worried and he thought he did something wrong when in reality it’s because his god damned hard on will not go own no matter how many dead puppies and grandmas he thinks about.

“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong, ‘m fine.” He rushed out, all too quickly.

Luke quietly whimpered when Ashton innocently placed a butterfly kiss to the pale skin of Luke’s shoulder and said, “I won’t make you tell me anything Luke but I wanna help.” And, Christ, how did this boy manage to be so sexy without even trying?

Luke whined, “I’m fine, honestly Ash,” While wriggling away from the boy’s arms, leaving a slightly hurt look on Ashton’s face.

“Lukey,” He prodded, puffing out his lower lip so he had an adorable pout. “Come back. You’re warm.”

Luke froze and firm hands were reaching around his waist again, pulling him flush against the older boy’s body and turning him around so he was facing Ashton, and that’s when he realized he was fucked. (Or, he wished he was with his raging boner.) Ashton dragged Luke closer, accidentally brushing his thigh against Luke’s problem, earning a soft moan from the blonde. Both boys froze at the sound that came from his mouth. Luke’s head shot up and his eyes met directly with Ashton’s wide, confused and slightly worried ones. The pale boy’s skin felt like it was on fire and it probably was not so pale anymore thanks to the red hue tinting his entire body.

“Luke -”

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to it just happened, and - and then your leg and your hands I-I’m sorry Ash -” Luke’s rambling was cut off by a sudden chaste kiss. It was warm and soft and just barely calmed the blonde’s anxious nerves.

“Luke,” He spoke, a small smile tugging at his lips. “I’m not mad, okay? I honestly don’t care. You’re a dude, it happens.” Ashton was giggling now as Luke’s cheeks somehow heated up even more, so he tried to lighten the mood. “Besides, I can’t help that I’m gorgeous.” Now it was Luke’s turn to laugh. Ashton loved this Luke - smiley and giggly with his button nose scrunching up the lightest bit. He looked happy and Ashton dearly hoped he truly was.

Reaching across Luke’s body to check the time, the golden haired boy’s smile faltered. “Time to get up Lukey.” Both men sighed. Luke had completely forgotten today was the day of his brothers’ interviews and they had to meet with Cynthia bright and early at noon. “It’s okay. Everything will be fine, I promise. How about we grab some lunch once all the chaos is over?” Ashton finished, booping Luke’s nose, followed by a kiss.

He couldn’t help but let his heart sink at Ashton’s words. He was almost happy, he was getting there. He was smiling more, laughing, he was even eating some. But those last words stung, and Luke was thankful the tan boy left the room to shower before he could notice the tears prickling in his eyes.

_‘Once all this chaos is over.’_

Luke wondered when that would be.

**_~_ **

Luke and Ashton sat cuddled together in the waiting room outside of Cynthia’s office. About ten minutes prior, the black haired woman had told them to “Wait just a few moments please. The interview will be over soon,” And dragged the two oldest Hemmings into the room.

Ashton hugged the youngest closer, smushing his face against his shoulder but Luke couldn’t care less. A soft press of Ashton’s lips on the blonde’s beanie clad locks calmed him and he let out a shaky breath he hadn’t even known he’d been holding in.

“It’s okay Lukey. You’re okay,” The hazel eyed boy repeated over and over, not positive who he was trying to convince.

“I can’t live with them Ashy, I can’t do it. I won’t leave you. Please don’t let them take me away from you.” At that moment Ashton felt like his heart was made of glass, teetering on the edge of a table in and earthquake, finally falling to the cold ground and shattering into a million pieces. Luke’s eyes were red and puffy with hot tears streaming down his face and Ashton was determined to fix that. Because even compared to Ashton, this boy was the most fragile piece of art in the world right now.

He lifted his thumb, stroking his cheek in a loving manner and barely scraped his lips across Luke’s; so quickly that the blonde wasn’t sure it actually happened. “There’s no way they’ll let them keep you Lukey, not with the way they’ve treated you. There’s no possible way they could pass the interview.”

The air-conditioned cubicle was cold and dimly lit, it was empty save for the couple and Cynthia’s secretary. In other rooms near by, Luke could faintly hear the screams and torturous cries of other children being taken away from their parents, turning their lives down completely different roads. The place just had a feeling that Luke couldn’t quite put his finger on; it was dull and grey, lifeless and just _sad._

It reminded the young boy of his now charred ‘home.’

As the minutes ticked on, Ashton and Luke finally managed to calm their heart rates at least a little bit. The tanner continued to whisper sweet nothings into the blonde’s ear when a click was heard, followed by a tall, slender figure stepping from the office and suddenly the almost calm air was filled with another thick tension.

Cynthia made eye contact with the sitting couple before speaking. “If you two would meet with us in the office.” She said, motioning with her head through the doorway. Luke and Ashton made their way into the familiar room. Across from Cynthia’s oak desk were four red velvet cushioned chairs, two which were already occupied by Jack and Ben. The to cleaned up well, Ashton thought, and it sickened him. This was not them, just from a single confrontation with the two men he could tell. They were not the two suited impostures in front of him now. Luke’s brothers were baked potheads who couldn’t care less about their youngest sibling and it tore Ashton apart because the blonde work of art deserved _so much better._

Ashton took the seat next to Jack, almost guarding him from his younger brother.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Hemmings, Mr. Irwin, please take a seat,” She started, shaking each of their. The smug grins on his brother’s faces made Luke feel nauseous. Something was off.

“I’m happy to inform you, Luke, that the interview with your brothers went well. They are cleared to take full custody of you in their apartment as soon as possible, until you are of legal age.” Cynthia finished with a smile, completely oblivious to the pain and torture in which Luke will soon endure. Ashton’s stomach dropped to the first floor of the building at these words.

“Are you fucking out of your mind?” He yelled, standing from his chair.

Cynthia’s bold eyes widened, taken back by the sudden outburst. “Excuse you, Mr. Irwin, is there a problem?” She asked, voice more annoyed and challenging rather than scared.

Luke moved his hand over Ashtons in attempts to pull him back down. “Please, Ash it’s fine. I’m okay.”

“No Luke you fucking aren’t okay! Listen lady, you don’t know half the things these two arseholes put Luke through!” Jack and Ben sat back, enjoying the show. Both had smirks displayed on their faces and Ashton wished he could slap them off.

“Mr. Irwin, I apologize if you don’t agree with this decision but these men performed well on the interview, extraordinarily well might I add. Luke, you and Ashton are to collect your belongings and leave to your brothers’ apartment by the end of this week. I will be there when you arrive to assure you do indeed arrive.”

Luke’s face was dull and emotionless, back to the way it was. Back to the way it was before he’d met Ashton. Before he was happy.

That’s when Luke realized it; he was happy. Ashton made him happy and now the only happy thing in his life was being ripped straight from his grip. And he could do nothing to fix it. With little thought, he decided the best way to do this would be quickly and as soon as possible, like ripping off a bandage. In a monotone voice he said, “It’s in the car. My stuff. We can go now.”

Ashton felt as if he would throw up hearing those words come from Luke’s mouth, only it wasn’t Luke. That was the old Luke, sad Luke, Luke who thought he was worthless and Ashton couldn’t let him slip back to being old Luke. He wouldn’t.

“Lukey no, please!” Ashton screamed as the boy was being dragged away by his siblings. “You said you wouldn’t leave me!”

At those words, it was like the final string in Luke broke. “Ashy, help me, I’m sorry! Don’t let them take me away please Ashy!” Both men were crying now, sobs racking through their bodies.

Cynthia was almost out the door with the three boys, Ashton trailing behind. His eyes met once more with the blonde’s swollen red ones. “Lukey,” His voice cracked. “You can’t leave me.”

And for the first time in his life, Ashton wished he was not correct. He wished he had never thought those words on the day of the fire, he wished the world didn’t have to be so cruel. If this is what being right felt like, he only wanted to be wrong ever. But he was right.

He’d lost Luke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> baby boy :-(
> 
> (Comments make me over the moon happy.)


	17. Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was trying, he swore. God, he tried so hard.

**[From Cali 20:51]**   
**Hey man, we’re good now yeah?**

**[To Cali 20:53]**   
**Idk. guess so**

**[From Cali 20:54]**   
**Sweet im coming over rn. Order a pizza and ill bring the booze.**

**[To Cali 20:57]**   
**whatever**

Michael groaned inwardly. He was definitely not looking forward to a night with his dark haired ‘friend.’ The pale boy was pissed. He was pissed at himself and at Calum and even at that Ashton kid a little bit for shooting him harsh glares the other day. He was pissed because this wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Everything was fucked up, just like Michael. His anger soon turned to sadness and shame. He doesn’t blame Calum anymore. He wouldn’t want himself either.

Twenty minutes later the kiwi was letting himself into his friend’s house with a pack of beer and some vodka in his hands. “Mikey I’m here!” He shouted up to the boy who was in his room. The older boy cursed to himself before slowly trudging down the stairs. He was met with a bright smile and deep dimples littering the boy’s cheeks. He could tell Calum was happy, too happy for Michael’s liking. “Hi Mikey. Got your favourite,” He spoke again, holding up the pack of Bud Light. The pale boy grunted in response.

“When’s that pizza gonna get here? I’m starving,” Calum spoke, hopping on the couch and flipping from channel to channel.

“Didn’t order. Sorry, forgot,” Michael mumbled and rolled his eyes, joining the other on the couch. “Let’s just play FIFA or something.”

Calum nodded and walked over to the console, setting up the game. As he was turning it on, he asked Michael, “Grab me a beer?”

Michael slowly reached for one but stopped. “Why don’t you grab it yourself?” He said, fading out as his courage died down. He didn’t want to be rude, he really didn’t it’s just - Michael’s upset and Calum hasn’t even noticed yet. Regaining his confidence, he continued, “Yeah. Get your own damn beer.”

Calum grabbed the two controllers sitting next to the TV and joined Michael on the sofa. “Shit dude what’s up your ass?” He asked, pressing _start_ as the screen lit up, digital football pitch replacing the previously dark screen.

“Nothing’s up my ass,” Michael sneered. “What’s up yours?” Before the tan boy had a chance to answer, Michael cut in. “Certainly not my dick anymore.” Calum’s brow furrowed in confusion and maybe a hint of anger. (And if Michael thought it was kind of cute, well, no one needed to know.)

“Seriously?” He asked, placing his controller down on the coffee table. “That’s what this is about? Mike, it’s over, done. Luke is _fine_ and there’s no reason we shouldn’t be too.”

Michael was sure his face was redder than ever, anger boiling up inside his usually pale skin. Harshly throwing his controller onto the ground, he stood from his seat, towering over the younger boy now. “This isn’t about Luke, Calum! It’s about us! What are we?” The pale boy was yelling now, loud voice echoing through the empty halls of his house.

“There is no ‘us’ Michael, there’s no ‘we’! It was two times Michael and it doesn’t matter. Why are you making such a big deal out of this? I was the hurt one the morning after the party. What happened to pretending it never happened?” Calum continued spitting harsh comments to Michael, backing him up to a wall. “What do you want from me Mike?”

Red. That’s all Michael saw. Red and blurred everything from the tears clouding his eyes, threatening to spill. “You don’t get it Calum!” He spat. He lifted a finger, jamming it into the Kiwi’s chest. “You’re supposed to be the one over thinking this all, not me! You’re supposed to be the heartbroken, kicked puppy who can’t stop thinking about everything, _not me._ I’m supposed to be the rebel who couldn’t give a single shit about anything and it’s not fair!” Michael took a shaky breath, trying to gather his thoughts. “I’m not used to wanting things and - and wishing I had more! That’s you, but now you’ve switched it all around and fucked everything up for me and I can’t do anything to forget it because it isn’t just a fuck to me!”

The dark haired boy’s eyes softened while Michael’s hands flew to cover his mouth. Neither could believe what he’d just admitted. This is Michael Clifford, punk rock senior with not a single care in the world.

“Mike I-I didn’t know, I swear. You know I’d never try to hurt you-”

“I’m not hurt Calum.” And Calum almost smiled because even in a time like this, it was just so _Michael_ to act this stubborn.

“You’re not? Then what are you? Please, enlighten me as to what all of the emotions you’re feeling are.” He said, rolling his eyes so dramatically Michael thought they might fall out of the boy’s head.

Emotions? He was feelings tons of them. That’s something Michael had never really done before either; feel. To him it was always just getting drunk and sneaking in a quick bang at a party, rinse and repeat, and both boys knew that. This was so foreign to him, it was a scary change and Michael hated changed.

“‘M not hurt I just - I -” He mumbled, stuttering and blushing at the realization that Calum was a jackhammer, tearing down Michael’s walls one a time. For the first time in years, he was at a loss for words and seeing Calum cockily raise an eyebrow with an ‘I told you so’ type of expression, Michael just needed time to regroup. “Get out,” He said, the darker boy’s expression immediately falling.

“W-what? Why? Mike -”

“Leave. I don’t want you in my house.”

Calum looked hurt, like he wanted to stay. But Michael knew better than to trust those deep chocolate eyes.

“Mikey let’s at least work this out. I don’t -”

“Listen Calum. I don’t care what you think, or what you have to say. Get out of my house and do not come back, got it? I don’t wanna see your dumb fucking f-face.” Michael barley, choking on a sob on the last word. He could almost see Calum’s heart clench. He could see his words sinking in, could see him surl in on himself making him look a whole lot smaller than he actually is. He could see the effect his words had on him and he then truly realised what he’d said and immediately regretted it.

But he didn’t take it back, and with a blink of the eye Calum was out the door.

**_~_ **

Ashton was trying.

He was trying to cope with the fact that a certain blonde boy was not able to keep him warm at night. Trying to ignore every little thing that reminded him of Luke. Like when that one commercial came on, the one with the penguins. Luke liked that one. And when he pulled his quilt higher on his body it still smelled of Luke.

He was trying to think of where he could possibly be. Cynthia wouldn’t give him the address because ‘it wasn’t her place to do so.’ He was trying to get through to Luke by phone, only he was sure the two eldest brothers would let him nowhere near his phone.

Ashton was trying not to cry over the boy whom he’d met only weeks ago, yet managed to change his life so much. But then he let himself cry because Luke Hemmings was worth the tears.

Ashton was trying not to go completely insane, every ounce of hope slipping as the seconds tick by. His chest physically hurt at the thought of not being with the blonde boy; not being able to boop his nose when it scrunches up with his heavenly giggles, not being able to get lost in his bright blue orbs while listening to his angelic voice.

Ashton was trying so, so hard for himself, but mostly for Luke. He was trying to stop his feet from moving and his arms from slamming the bathroom door so loudly he was sure the apartments two floors down could hear it. He was trying to be stronger than his own mind which was swimming with dangerously dark thoughts.

He was trying to stop himself from reaching beneath the metal cabinet to retrieve an old friend of his, one he used to know quite well. He was trying, trying so hard to stop the shiny metal from staining his golden wrists with the thick scarlet liquid.

He was trying, he swore. God, he tried so hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any special kinks you wanna see? you know, if there's any smut for some reason... ;-)


	18. Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shout out to alejandro for distracting me while writing blame him for this mess lmao.

“Where are we?” Luke asked, following his older siblings into a dingy apartment that he assumed was his new house.

“This,” Jack answered, gesturing to a tiny room on the left of the hall they were walking down, “is your new room. This is where you get to spend your time and hopefully stay out of my way at all costs.” The taller man grinned, voice traced with an evil tone.

Ben cut in moments after. “You get to stay in there all day unless me or Jack need you to do something for us, like make me a sandwich or do the laundry or some shit.”

Luke was stunned to say the least, not because he wouldn’t expect his from his brothers but because he had no clue how he got stuck with them. “I’m not your servant. You don’t own me…” He trailed off, unsure of how he wanted to word his statement.

“Hey, the faggot’s not wrong for once. What a change.” Ben let out a deep laugh. “Sure, we don’t own you, but we are your guardians now. So like, we can make you do whatever the fuck we want.”

Luke stood, trying to push past the middle child and get into his room. “Ben that’s not how it works and you know it - ah!” Ben grabbed the youngest’s bicep, throwing him up against the wall. Luke’s back hit the hard surface with a loud thud, the impact cause his head to swing backwards. He was shocked and terrified. He was trying to hide his fear. But mostly, he was used to it.

“However this ‘works’ is up to us, fucker.” Jack joined in, yanking his arm from Ben’s hold and shoving him onto the mattress placed on the ground. “Night time.” And the door was shutting and the two boys were gone. Luke sat there for a while with a dazed look on his face. He reached back to wipe the sweat from behind his neck but his hand returned with drips of blood. A loud sigh escaped his lips as he let everything just sink in. No more mum, no more dad, no more Michael, Calum, Ashton.

More than ever he longed for Ashton’s touch. Or if his touch was to much to ask for, just eh boy’s mere presence would be enough to make him smile. Honestly, he was desperate and at that point even just a text from the curly haired lad would give him some hope. Which reminded him. No phone besides the landline, which was strictly for emergencies only, like ordering a pizza for his brothers. He wished he could call Ashton, but he had no clue what his number was by heart. He wish he could just be there, he wished he’d never gotten into this mess.

But then the voices were back. His inner demons, the dark spirits within his head. _‘Why would he want to hear from you anyways? Do you think he cares? You’re one less fat mouth to feed from his house now. He’s probably celebrating.’_

“Stop, please, s-stop,” He mumbled to himself, hands tugging at his blond locks. He curled into a fetal position as the voices continued. _‘What about Calum? Or Michael? Do you honestly think they care about any of this? Or your brothers, you’re making them miserable.” Short and shallow breaths were racked through his body, trembling as erratic sobs tore through him with hot tears slipping from his light lashes. “T-they care, they do I kn-know it.” The all too familiar feeling of impending doom was all around as the world around him began to spin._

Deep breaths, in and out.

His thoughts became fuzzy and his mind clouded.

Head between the legs, just like Ashton told you.

But something was different this time. As his vision darkened, there were still splotches of light. As he fell further in, his hearing became stronger. His breathing slowed when he practiced just like Ashton said. The tears stopped flowing and his body stopped trembling beneath the covers.

He was okay. He didn’t pass out, it was over. He’d done what Ashton had told him and he was okay. even when he wasn’t there, the curly haired boy made everything a little bit better.

 

~

 

When Ashton woke the next morning he was sick to his stomach and ashamed. He’d failed himself once again and he’d failed Luke. He spared a glance at his dirtied wrists, still covered in the dried rusty substance from his open wounds. He was weak. He couldn’t bear a single night without the younger boy. He was so far gone.

With an emotionless expression plastered to his face he dragged himself out of bed into the bathroom, preparing himself for another shitty day ahead. Every little thought that crossed his mind somehow lead him to worrying about Luke. Had he eaten yet? It was almost noon. Does he think this is his fault? Are his brothers hurting him? Once out of the bathroom he checked his phone. Still nothing. He was beginning to feel hopeless. It’s not like he had expected a new message from the boy saying he’d be back in no time, but Ashton prayed anyways.

Through the open window, the noisy sounds of the city could be heard. There were children laughing, people hailing taxis, cars honking and the familiar sound of sirens ringing as the black and white cars sped down the street.

And then it hit him. As fast as he possibly could, he slid on the closest pair of jeans and grabbed his keys, rushing out of the door. Deciding he didn’t have time to wait for the elevator, he took the stairs two at a time until he was finally running through the lobby and out the glass slides. He threw his hand in the air, hailing a cab and hopped in before it had even come to a complete stop.

“Where to?” The driver asked in a bored monotone voice.

Ashton took a moment to reply, still attempting to catch his breath. “The nearest prison please.”

~

 

The prison was cold and dimly lit. People zoomed by from all directions, each with the same depressed expression on their face. Ashton knew that feeling. A man in uniform was walking the opposite direction of Ashton so he stopped him. “Excuse me Sir, where is the visitors hall?” He asked the officer.

“Down that hall on the second left. You’ll know it when you see it.” He said, pointing behind him.

“Thank you, have a nice day,” Ashton replied, rushing away before the man could probably hear what he said. He speedwalked down the cold brick hallway, his only light source a few yellow lamps. Eventually a sign reading ‘Visitors’ was visible and he slowly pushed open the door.

The line wasn’t long, only four or five people with six or seven in the waiting area. His mind was racing too fast to care though. “Next please,” one lady said through her window. The curly haired boy walked to her.

“Name?” She asked, setting down some papers and filing things here and there.

“Um, Irwin. I’m Ashton Irwin.” He said nervously, unsure of what he was asking for.

The lady let out a breathy laugh, but something about her told him she wasn’t making fun of him. “Not your name, who are you visiting?” She said showing her pearly white teeth.

“Who am I visiting?” He quietly asked himself. He hadn’t thought this through at all, he didn’t even know his name. “Um, I’m looking for a Hemmings. Father of Luke Hemmings, if you know him?” He answered, unsure if that information was any help at all. The lady’s face froze and after a few seconds her eyebrows furrowed.

“Andy Hemmings?” She asked.

“Yes, I think so.” She led him to another room where people in orange jumpsuits were separated by a thick glass with two phones attached on each side. People sat in chairs communicating with inmates.  
“He’s in window three.”

He made his way over to the third window to the right where a stocky man with a long blonde beard was sat on the other side. Ashton knew he had the right guy.

He picked up the phone, watching as the man gave him a curious and confused look. “Hello?” Ashton spoke first, unsure of what exactly to say.

“Who are you?” The man- Andy- said.

“My name is Ashton Irwin,” He shuffled in his seat awkwardly. He will sound crazy to his man. “I need your help.”

The man in the orange scoffed and rolled his eyes. “My help with what? I’m afraid I can’t do much for you behind bars kid.” Ashton let out a shaky breath, unsure if that was supposed to sound funny or sad or both.

He took one final breath and decided to go for it. It’s now or never, he thought. “Andy,” Ashton felt beads of nervous sweat pooling on his forehead. “I need help finding your oldest sons.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back, back again. Andy's back, tell your friends.


	19. Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't listen to Broken Home while reading this don't listen to Broken Home while reading this don't listen to Broken Home while reading this don't listen to Bro

The elder man looked shocked and displeased, scanning Ashton up and down. “Might I ask why you’re looking for my family? And why you’d think I have a clue to where they are? I’ve been here a few years, boy. A lot can happen in a few years.”

He had a point, Ashton thought. It’s been who knows how long since Andy saw his kids, who’s to say he knows where they are right now. “It’s complicated. Please, just - did they have like, a flat or something? Anywhere I can look for them?” The curly haired boy asked frantically, slightly rising from his seat. Every moment that passed was an opportunity for Luke to be abused or hurt.

“Listen kid why is it any of your business as to where my boys are?”

“Your boys?” Ashton asked. By now he was furious and impatient and, really just plain desperate. He needed Luke and Luke needed him. Together they’d worked so hard and the blonde had come such a long way. He was eating, maybe not a whole lot, but he was eating! He wasn’t as timid or shaking anymore. He accepted Ashton’s hugs instead of tensing up and panicking. But all this time with his brothers could be reversing their progress. Angry tears brimmed Ashton’s hazel eyes when he finally responded. 

“Exactly what right do you think you have to call any of them your boys? You don’t even get to see ‘your boys’ because you’re locked in a god damned prison! You’re not a father to them. A father is there for his sons when they need help! I’m not even entirely sure what you did to be in here but you’ve ruined Luke and you ruined the rest of your family. His brothers torture him and they probably are right now, so if you’d kindly give me a suggestion of where to look I could put a stop to it!” They were both silent for what seemed like hours. Ashton sat trying to catch his breath and Andy stayed frozen with a pained expression on his face.

“I love them, you know,” the older man finally spoke, though it sounded difficult, like he was trying to swallow past something stuck in his throat. “I never meant to ruin them. A - and some day I hope to get out of here and tell em that. You know, Luke only ever visits me. He’s a good boy, so forgiving when I don’t deserve it.” A thick tear slowly made its way down the man’s dewy and wrinkled flesh. “I dream of getting out of here, good behavior maybe, and going back to my family. Back to Luke and Ben and Jack, as if they’d ever love me again. Back to my beautiful wife.”

Ashton expected him to say more but no words came out. It almost broke his heart, almost. His words were sincere and he truly did feel bad. But, he was a prisoner and Ashton knew that for whatever reason he is in here, he deserved it.

Andy’s last sentence lingered in the air. _He didn’t know yet._ He didn’t know and Ashton really did not want to be the one to tell him but then he thought, if he didn’t then who would?

Inhaling deeply and then letting out a shaky breath he spoke. “Andy,” he adjusted his sleeves and looked down to his toes. “She’s gone, Liz. She’s dead.” Andy’s eyes did not meet Ashton’s as he waited for the older man to reply. His expression hardened and his jaw clenched, but nothing was spoken, so he continued. “It was a fire. And now Luke’s forced to live with Jack and Ben and i swear to you it’s not safe Andy. If you love him them tell me where to find him so I can get help.”

His eyes looked empty and dull, similar to Luke’s when he’d first met the blonde. Numb, emotionless, broken. They were pained and hidden behind them he could see self loathe and hatred. It hurt Ashton because he knew how that felt, to feel good enough for nobody, not even yourself. And not a single person on earth deserved to feel that way, especially not Luke.

“Jack had a small flat,” he spoke, looking at nothing in particular. “It was tiny, not big enough for two people to live in. He only lived there sometimes, primarily he was at our home though.” His lifeless eyes scanned the room around him as if to finally process all that had happened the past few years. “If I tell you where they might be, could you give them a message from me?”

Ashton was tempted to say no, he really was. What this man did to Luke was disgusting and inexplicable and even though he didn’t know the details. But he needed any clue as to where to look for him, so if one single favour would give him that clue then so be it. “Yes. What is the address?”

**_~_ **

Ashton clutched the piece of paper currently in his fist tightly, with his other gripping the steering wheel so hard his whole hand was numb. The neighborhood he was driving through was grey and gloomy. Vacant buildings stood on the sidewalk with broken windows and torn up lawns. Double checking the messing writing scrawled on the crumpled paper, confirming he was indeed at the right place. The numbers on the wall were barely visible and there couldn’t have been more than 4 rooms in the small one story building. There were cracks running up and down the exterior and they reminded Ashton of the way he felt when Luke was taken away from him; broken and abandoned with no hope of being fixed ever.

He thought he should be, but he wasn’t scared at all. His mind was too busy occupying itself with the anger he felt towards everyone. He was angry at Cynthia for allowing Luke to live here. He was angry at Ben and Jack for treating such a beautiful boy like dirt, he was angry at Andy for shattering what once was a whole family. He hadn’t even realized his feet were bringing him up to the torn screen door and his finger to the dirty ringer because he was so caught up in the midst of hating everything. He was snapped out of his internal tantrum when a muscular strawberry blonde was strolling over to the black film covered in holes.

“Hey look who it is! Ben get in here, the fag’s knight in shining armor is here to rescue him!” His blood was boiling at the sound of those names being directed towards Luke, but he had to play nice if he wanted to get to any compromise.

The two older brothers made their way over to the door eventually and delivered a welcoming greeting to the curly haired boy. “Come on in, fucker. See if you can shut up our little brother. He’s been crying nonstop since we got him about how much he misses you. Fucking gay shit.” The last part was mumbled, but not quiet enough for Ashton not to hear. And even though he was furious with the words Jack used, his heart warmed a little to know Luke had missed him.

“May I see him please?” He asked politely, teeth gritted and voice stern.

“Yeah, as long as you don’t take him away,” Ben said. “Fucking him up is too much fun.”

He ignored the venom laced into the cruel words and followed the pair to what he assumed was where Luke was staying. The whole house just smelled old and rusty, and there was only a kitchen, a bathroom and one bedroom, along with an extra room with a couch. They were entering the tiny bedroom that was dirtied with clothes spewed everywhere and the smell of week old food hitting his nose. He searched around the room but Luke was nowhere to be found.

“Where is he? Is this his room?”

“Don’t be a dumbass. This is mine and Jack’s room. He’s right through that door,” Ben said, pointing to what looked like shutters leading to a walk in closet. Ashton’s heart was pounding with anticipation. He was finally going to see Luke and they could discuss an escape plan. The trio made their way through the shutters into a pitch black room, Jack blindly searching for the light. As he did so, Ben spoke again. “You’ve got company for whatever reason fag.” But not a single sound was heard in reply.

They all stood in silence until the light was finally switched on and Jack let out a confused gasp followed by a slightly panicked grunt. Ashton’s heart picked up again, but this was in the terrified, not butterfly-like way.

Nowhere to be seen was Luke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Highkey unedited and rushed after homework lmao sorry not sorry but I am a slut for comments thanks


	20. Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He closed the door quietly, locking it shut. There was a chill in the air that made Luke uneasy. Swiftly he removed the confining cotton from his torso to reveal the marked terrain of scarred flesh, reaching into his back pocket and fishing out his weapon of choice. When Luke left his brother’s, there was no time to pack his things let alone did he have the strength to lug it with him to Michael’s. But luckily he remembered to grab the old piece of metal that had managed to keep him sane these past years, hoping it had not gotten too bent on the trek over here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize so deeply that I didn't update last week! My dog had to have an emergency spleen removal and almost died and I couldn't leave him alone after the surgery for he wasn't aloud to move at all. ANyways, I hope this update is worth the wait, I'll admit I teared up a bit while writing it.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Luke!” Michael gasped in surprise when he opened the front door to his house. It was about 5 AM when he arrived, beaten and bruised with dried blood smeared from his eye to his lips. The dyed haired boy visibly startled from seeing the blonde, obviously not expecting to see him. “Shit, here come in, I’ll get you some ice.”

Luke shakily moved into the familiar Clifford living room while his friend retrieved a wet rag and a bag of frozen peas. “Put this on your face. You want to wash up?” He handed him the rag. “Wipe off the blood - shit, sorry! Does it hurt?”

The younger was overwhelmed and Michael was not even sure he would be able to speak; he looked miserable. His left eye was swollen almost completely shut and tinted a dark plum hue. A large cut was prominent about his eyebrow and his lip was busted and bloody. He looked tired, emotionally and physically. He didn’t ask what had happened, Luke would tell him when he was ready.

“Thanks Mikey.” The blue eyed boy’s voice was rough and raw, like he’d been screaming for days on end. Michael could faintly see a tear slowly roll down the blonde’s dim littered face but chose to ignore it, and for that Luke was grateful.

“Do you need anything else?” Knowing Luke, the boy would most likely say no just to make sure he was no bother but Michael figured he should still ask.

“Can you maybe call Calum? Please Mike.” He spoke so softly, like a mother to her newborn child. It was watery and choked and filled with so much emotion; hurt, distress, self loathe. The older boy felt a bit uneasy, not sure if the Kiwi would even answer due to their current argument, but Luke needed it.

“Yeah. I’ll call right now.”

“Thanks,” He wipe a tear. “I only want to have to tell the story once.

 

Upon hearing the tone Calum answered with realizing it was Mikey interrupting his sleep, the older knew he would not be happy. But as soon as he recognized the desperate tone of voice his friend used the tan boy sprung out of bed with no questions asked. No matter how mad he wanted to stay at his friend it was close to impossible, he missed him too much.

When he let himself into Michael’s house he immediately took on his role as Mother Hen to the broken boy sitting on the couch. All three shared a much needed embracement and the eldest boys nearly missed the quiet ‘I love you guys’ whispered by the blonde.

Clearing his throat he finally spoke up. “I guess I should explain now.”

“When you’re ready Luke. No rush.” That was Calum, caressing his arm and tracing light imaginative shapes; it was rather soothing, Luke decided.

“No, I hide too much from you guys anyways.”

“Okay.”

“My brothers did well in the interview, I guess, the one to see if they could be my guardians. They lied but I honestly was not surprised.” He inhaled sharply, like he hadn’t seen air in days. “They drove me to Jack’s. He has a small flat for one person. I slept in a closet with a pillow and blanket. I was their slave, really. I did chores, fed them, and every time I screwed it up they gave me one of these.” He motioned to one of the many bruises littering his once pale face. 

He was trembling now as if the memory was just too much, and the other men were sure it was. “I’m used to it though. Before Mum was gone, I got these every day. Jack and Ben went out to a bar tonight and forgot to lock the closet door, so obviously I took my chances and ran away.”

“You’re safe now Lukey. You’re okay.” Michael tugged his limp body into his side, placing a gentle kiss the the blonde’s forehead only to be pushed away.

“No! They know where you live, both of you and they’ll come here!” He was frantic now, anger radiating through his bones.

“Luke, calm down, please.” Calum placed the butt of his hand into Luke’s chest to push him back into the couch. “We’ll be fine, okay? Does Ashton know where you are?” The question only now occurred to Mike and Calum, but Luke had been hoping neither would think of it. Ashton needed to stay away from him, to stay safe. He was strong, yes but so were his brothers and Luke couldn’t risk him getting hurt. He wasn’t worth Ashton.

“Luke,” He repeated, this time more sternly. “Where is Ashton?”

“I don’t know. He doesn’t know where I am, didn’t know where Jack lived and they took my phone.” Before the words were even completely out of his mouth, the dark haired boy was reaching for his own cell to dial Ashton’s number. “Calum stop! You can’t call him, don’t!” He lunged for the device in his friend’s hand but only grasped air.

“Luke he needs to know you’re okay!” Michael explained. “We should call the cops too, Cal. This has happened before, Luke? They should be in jail!”

“Mike no!”

“Why the hell not Luke? Look what they did to you - what they _do_ to you!”

He was a sobbing mess, regretting any choice he’d ever made. It all could have been avoided but he had to come here instead. It’s his own fault and he blames no one else. “Mike,” His voice was wet and whiney and reminded the two of those commercials of starving kids in Africa. “Please, they’re all I have -” He could tell both wanted to protest, ask why that was bad but Luke beat them to it. “My mum’s gone. Dad’s in prison. My brothers hate me more than anything in the world and I’ve been tortured by them mercilessly.” His eyes met Calum’s, then Michael’s. “But I love them. Why? I’m not entirely sure. But they’re my brothers and I love them. I’m so Lucky to have you guys but they’re the only blood family I have left. Please don’t take them away from me.”

The pale boy looked to Calum, having a conversation with their eyes before the latter spoke. “We won’t. We won’t call the police but we have to call Ashton. He’ll know what to do.”

“If you call Ash I will leave, I mean it Cal.”

“He deserves to know how you are! He’s probably been going mad, worried sick for you Luke.” The older boy had a point, but advising Ashton of all of the events meant the curly haired boy would be angry and call the police for sure.

“Fine,” Luke said coldly. “I’m not telling him what they did to me and neither are you two. Not yet.”

“That’s okay Luke. When you’re ready.” Michael watched as Calum dialed the number and Luke retreated upstairs to the bathroom.

He closed the door quietly, locking it shut. There was a chill in the air that made Luke uneasy. Swiftly he removed the confining cotton from his torso to reveal the marked terrain of scarred flesh, reaching into his back pocket and fishing out his weapon of choice. When Luke left his brother’s, there was no time to pack his things let alone did he have the strength to lug it with him to Michael’s. But luckily he remembered to grab the old piece of metal that had managed to keep him sane these past years, hoping it had not gotten too bent on the trek over here.

It had been too long, he thought. The first slice was made deep into his left wrist, intersecting with some older faded scars along with fresher pink gauges. He made a handful of more incisions on himself and recapped on all of the events that had happened lately. Nothing was fair. He wanted to be happy, he wanted to not feel guilty any time he came close to contentment. He wanted to smile a real, genuine smile; not because he forced it onto his face.

It’d be so much easier, everything would be. He could end it all with a single glide of the razor. No more worries or woes, his brother’s would be happy. Blood had always intrigued Luke. He thought it was so pretty cascading down his skin and dripping onto the tile where he stood.

The blonde brought the shiny blade to his skin prepared himself for it. What would it feel like? Would he be too numb to feel it at all? Would it be as usual when he left consciousness with a heavy dark aura or would he drift away feeling light as air? Who would find him first, cold and lifeless sprawled on the floor once cool against his skin. Would Michael scream at the sight and call for help, or maybe Calum would stumble upon Luke and be too shocked to speak. What about that curly haired boy, the one with the warm hazel eyes that make Luke feel at home; whose presence is inviting and always smells like cherries and laundry detergent.

He felt sick. Not the sick he usually feels when sparing a glance at himself in the mirror, a different sick, almost longing. He heard pounding from the hallway and a sweet honey voice filled with worry linger. Ashton was here and he was coming for Luke.

He needed to do it now or he’d be stopped. He’d be stopped and he’d never feel that floaty feeling of escaping life. He pressed the metal firmly and directly on top of a visible vein waiting for the familiar stinging sensation to overcome him. But it never did.

He pressed again, pressed harder and harder but he couldn’t do it.

“Luke?” A knock sounded against the wooden barrier. “Are you in there?” Ashton’s questioned was greeted with a painful silence ringing in his ears and Luke held his breath on the other side. “Please open up, it’s me Lukey.”

He cursed himself, the nickname made him speak. “No.” Ashton’s heart contracted in his chest at the words and the emotion behind them. The blonde breathed in deeply behind the door once again and tried his hardest to scrape across his wrist, yet he did not have the strength. “Ash,” He at least owed the older a goodbye.

“I’m right here Lukey, can you please open up?” His tone was laced with tears yet he sounded so calm. The hazel eyed boy always knew how to act.

“‘M sorry.” Luke held back a sob, coughing into his arm. “‘M gonna miss you a lot Ashy and I know you’ll miss me too but it’s okay, because you’ll be okay without me after a while and I’ll finally be happy too. And I can watch over you, and I can make sure nothing bad happens to you.” He was growing frustrated with himself. _Just do it already. Stop procrastinating and end your own damned life._

It took a few long moments for Ashton to really process the words leaving Luke’s mouth and he could almost feel the pain Luke felt. But he always knew what to say. He gulped audibly before speaking with fat tears drenching his flushed skin. “Can you look down at your wrist for me, please?” Ashton could almost hear the confusion sure to be written on Luke’s face so he continued. “D’ya see it? Faded purple. It represents change.”

He waited for Luke to study the almost washed away butterfly that had been drawn on him previously. “Remember what I told you, how you have to learn to use your wings? I want you to remember that Lukey, but think about this too.” The hazel eyed boy looked up the ceiling, silently praying this would be enough to help him.

“Butterflies don’t start off as butterflies, right? First they’re caterpillars that eat twice their weight and sleep for two months. But after some time, they change into beautiful creatures, colourful and delicate.”

Silent tears flowed from crystal blue orbs, blending with the thick scarlet blood drying on Luke’s arm.

“The butterfly showed you how you’d changed. Sure, you’re still lost and confused but that’s okay Lukey. When you were with me, you ate more and you smiled and laugh. You’re still you, but you’ve changed into something even more beautiful than before. Butterflies don’t have a choice. They stay butterflies; they can’t change their mind and be a caterpillar the next morning. But you can, Luke. You can end everything now and go back to who you were before you’d become the happier you, or you can put down that razor and remain that beautiful changed Luke.”

He was on his knees now, begging anyone he could think of to please just let him have Luke. Let Luke live. Not so Ashton can be happy, but so Luke can learn to be happy too; so Luke can get better and feel loved the way he deserves to be.

Ashton’s eyes were clenched so tightly shut he hadn’t even comprehended the soft click of the lock turning, or the light patter of bare feet on carpet. He couldn’t process the weight of a body throwing it at himself, clothing becoming damp from the tears leaking from the figure. Ashton was too stunned it had worked to acknowledge Luke at firs. But when he did finally take in those red rimmed eyes and stained cheeks he thanked the Lord for the day the blonde boy arrived at the jetty alone, the day Ashton spotted the love of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's 1 AM so I didn't proofread or edit wow shocker what's new.


	21. Twenty One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael butted in. “He’s right. Luke, Ashton needs to know, he can help.” The blonde seemed to consider it as the quartet sat in a tense silence. He seemed to be mentally weighing his options. The thing is, it’s not as easy as it seems. Explaining to Ashton what Luke’s brothers did to him makes the boy want to vomit just thinking about it. It’s like reliving it, the sad and painful days there. He’s scared of what Ashton will do. Will he run off and try to hurt his siblings as payback, or call the police? Will he leave Luke simply because he is far too broken. The blonde knew that was irrational but it was an ever occurring fear in the back of his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual this is unedited oops. I'm back and healthy, I'm so sorry about the wait for this update but I am virus-free now and ready for action.

The couple sat in the hallway, both with hot tears streaming out of their eyes and millions of thoughts flying through each of their brains. Sobs tore through the blonde’s fragile figure, causing him to shake forcefully in Ashton’s arms, while the older boy cried in a more delicate way; too stunned to process everything at once. The only sounds were heavy breathing and despair and constant, “I love you”s and the occasional “Don’t ever leave me,” from the curly haired boy.

Luke looked up and piercing blue met warm hazel, fusing into the most beautiful shade ever to be created. Ashton brought his large hands up to his lover’s jaw, caressing the skin there with gentle strokes of his thumb and leaned in, pressing chapped lips against Luke’s perfectly pink ones. The moment was interrupted by loud thumps making their way up the stairs to reveal a heaving Calum and Michael gasping for air.

“Sorry, to break it up, but what the hell happened?” Michael asked, noticing the current state of his two clearly distressed friends.

Ashton spared a glance to his left and could tell by the younger boy’s desperate look that he was pleading not to tell, so he simple stated, “Happy to see each other, ‘s all.” Before pulling the pale boy closer and planting a soft butterfly kiss to his temple.

“Okay well I hate to end the love fest but I’m pretty sure we have more important things to talk about. Did you tell him, Luke?”

“Tell me what?” Ashton asked, confusedly looking at the blushing angel clinging to his side.

“Calum please-”

“Luke you need to now or you never will!”

Michael butted in. “He’s right. Luke, Ashton needs to know, he can help.” The blonde seemed to consider it as the quartet sat in a tense silence. He seemed to be mentally weighing his options. The thing is, it’s not as easy as it seems. Explaining to Ashton what Luke’s brothers did to him makes the boy want to vomit just thinking about it. It’s like reliving it, the sad and painful days there. He’s scared of what Ashton will do. Will he run off and try to hurt his siblings as payback, or call the police? Will he leave Luke simply because he is far too broken. The blonde knew that was irrational but it was an ever occurring fear in the back of his mind.

In the moment of silence that seemed to drag on, the eldest of the four spoke. “I was at your brother’s, Luke.” Ashton’s expression was blank and unreadable, he looked numb. He looked the way Luke usually feels.

“Y-you, w-what?” He asked, timid and confused. “How did you… why?”

“I needed to see you Luke, I needed to save you and I was terrified when you weren’t there but Lukey words can’t begin to explain how thankful I am that you’re here, safe.” Tears were welling up in the blonde’s baby blues and he wasn’t sure how to feel. He was overwhelmed, really. He’d never felt this special, or important, or _loved_ the way he felt then.

“Ash- how did you know I was there? How did you even find that place?” Luke asked the question him and the other pair were wondering.

“I didn’t, not at first. I didn’t even know they had a house. But I spent hours thinking of ways I could find you. And then I got the idea of driving their Luke.” He paused and the youngest hated Ashton’s expression. It was pained and looked as if it was physically damaging to retell this story. He missed his deep dimples and chirpy giggle, his cheesy jokes and contagious smile. His daydream was cut short when the other continued. “I drove to the prison, Luke. I - I went to see your father. I know it was a wild guess but I figured he’d have some clue as to where you could possibly be, and he did. But before he told me where I could find you, he made me promise something. He made me promise to deliver a message to you from him, and to someday pass it on to your brothers.”

The blonde shifted uncomfortably under everyone’s gaze. So much was happening, so much information was being thrown at him but Ashton’s words had piqued his curiosity.

“Do you want to hear it Lukey?”

“Please, Ash.”

“I haven’t read it either Luke. Would you like to first?” He asked, handing him the crumpled paper. Luke shook his head and said.

“You can read it out loud if you like.” But little did he know that he’d soon regret that decision.

Ashton cleared his voice and help the scrap in his hands, squinting slightly to read the scribbled penmanship of the man. “I love you Luke. You know that. And I long to someday be able to hold you, hug you, for you to be proud to call me your father. I miss the days we were able to play board games together and go for a kick around on sunny afternoons. I miss bringing you to work and bragging to all of my friends how amazing my boy was. And words cannot begin to emphasize how terribly sorry I am for you. You deserve so much better, you deserve a life filled with love and happiness and I apologize that I can’t be there to grant you any of that.”

Ashton paused and his brow furrowed. It was almost weird what Andy had written, how much he loved Luke. Ashton got that, but if he loved him so much, how could he hurt him the way he did? It disgusted him but he continued on, only to learn why the man had said all of that.

“They held the gun to my head and I’m sorry you had to see all of it. They threatened me and their words are fresh in my mind. ‘We’ll blow his brains out if you don’t get on with it.’ I was trying to save you Luke. And when you were eventually exposed, I’m sure you remember, they used you in a way no one deserves to be used. I wish I could have taken better care of you, I wish I could have protected you.” His voice trailed off as he read farther down the letter. Luke was a sobbing mess and the other three boys all shared the same baffled expression. “Uh,” He continued. “Then they made me do it too. I didn’t enjoy it Luke and I know you didn’t either and I am forever guilty Luke. I should have let them kill me Luke, hurting you was not worth my life-”

“Please Ash, no more! Stop, make it stop!” The blonde was pulling at his hair and screaming his words. “I’m sorry Ashy, please s-stop! I-I’m so s-sorry.”

“Sh sh sh. We’re done. No more, I’ll stop. You’re okay, no one is going to hurt you Luke. He’s gone.”

Luke continuously shook his head and repeated his words over and over. “He didn’t hurt me Ash! I love him! He never hurt me.” It broke Ashton’s heart really, how the boy was convinced his father had done nothing wrong.

Calum butted in this time, rushing over to comfort his friend. “He did Luke. It’s okay to love him but he hurt you Luke. And you’re safe from him now.”

“You guys don’t understand!” He stood up quickly throwing everyone’s hands away from him. His face was tinted red from anger and embarrassment and his chest was sore from breathing so fast.

“We don’t Luke, so please explain it.” Michael said, stroking his friend’s arm and trying to calm him down.

He shook his head furiously. “I can’t - I can’t do it! Please don’t make me please - I’m begging you -”

“There’s more written down Luke.” He was informed by Ashton. “I believe your father explains it here. Would you like us to read it to ourselves? So you don’t have to relive it?”

Timidly, the blonde nodded. He had never been more thankful for Ashton. Calum, Michael gathered around the curly haired boy and began silently reading the words sprawled about, each of them resulting in the same terrifiedly confused look on their face, the same look Luke had on the night of all the events which now haunted him and will continue to forever.

_Don’t tell anyone Luke, they’ll kill you and you know it. I’d rather stay behind bars than have you dead. I pray you get away from them soon, and if you don’t, I pray they never do what they did to you that night again. The way the handled you, the way the kissed you… what they did to you was disgusting and wrong. But I took the blame for them to save your life. They told me they’d kill you if we ever admitted the truth and it tears me apart that such awful people like them can live happy lives. But I believe in you. You were raped. I am forever sorry I was not able to stop the pair of ugly souls who damaged you, but promise me you will only ever say it was me. People must only believe I did such awful things to you. Because if they find out the truth you will get hurt by the duo again. So promise me Luke. Blame me for your unfortunate life, not your brothers.’_

The paper dropped out of Ashton’s grip in shock.

Jack and Ben needed to pay for more than he had thought.


	22. Twenty-Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The biggest smile known to man spread on Luke’s still blushing face. Ashton said it, he’d used the _B_ word, he’d called Luke his _boyfriend._
> 
> And Luke wouldn’t want to be anything else.
> 
> He answered, "Okay."

After an exhausting night of confusion and shock Ashton awoke to a sleeping Luke pressed into his side, legs intertwined in the guest room of Michael’s house. He cooed as the blonde’s nose scrunched up when Ashton had to re-position his body and the steady sound of soft puffs leaving Luke’s mouth were calming. He took a minute or so to just admire the beauty in his arms and think about how happy they’d be if Luke just had a normal life. As guilty as it made him feel,Ashton was almost grateful that the younger boy’s life was far from normal because otherwise how would they have met?

Luke Hemmings was by far the most gorgeous human being Ashton had ever encountered and it made his heart hammer in his chest just thinking of him. He was Ashton’s; maybe not officially, but he was to some degree and that was okay. The curly haired boy pressed a gentle kiss to the mussed blonde hair since his face was nuzzled into Ashton’s neck, which cause the blonde to stir. He squinted at the bright yellow rays streaming in through the swaying curtains before opening his eyes and meeting with the most comforting sight; Ashton’s own hazel orbs staring back down at him.

Words couldn’t describe how the older lad made him feel. He was safe, but it was so much more than that. It was secure, and fuzzy and warm and just pure contemptment. It was mornings like this that made everything seem kind of good for a while. It was mornings like this that kept him alive.

“‘S been awhile since we could wake up like this yeah?” Ashton croaked, voice still gruff from sleep and a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

Luke responded by hugging the tan arms wrapped around his body and whispered, “I missed this…” His sentence trailed off as his mind wandered. “Ashy I want this every morning. Please.” Luke’s voice sounded wet and his wide innocent eyes were red and shiny and still puffy from last night. Ashton was forced to look away so he didn’t cry himself.

“Sh sh baby boy,” He said calmly, caressing blonde locks and resting their foreheads against each other. “We have this morning for now Lukey.” Ashton moved his head so their lips were barely touching and he mumbled against the pink flesh, “Let’s make it last. Just pretend this is all over and you have no worries, with nothing to do all day except cuddle and kiss and be with each other.”

“Please kiss me Ashy,” Luke pleaded. Everything was just too much, too overwhelming and his throat hurt from fighting tears. He wasn’t sure what kind of tears they were anymore, tears of fear and regret and wishing everything was different, but also tears of joy and gratitude because he was Ashton’s and Ashton was his. The older boy could see all of that emotion welling up inside of the blonde so he did kiss him, hot a passionate as if to say, _‘I wish things could be better.’_

Except Luke kissed back with just as much love and they both knew he meant, _‘They’re better because of you.’_

It was as if their mouths were locks and their lips were the key to each others’, opening new chambers and discovering uncharted territory. It was heated, to say the least, they were eager and it was an awkward position but at the same time it was perfect. It didn’t matter how good or bad the kiss was as long as it was just the two of them. Their mouths moved in sync and Luke crawled over the older boy, straddling his waist, a move which surprised both of them.

Ashton never expected Luke, his precious and innocent angel to get the courage to do so but he was nowhere close to complaining. He moaned at the new position as he could feel the blonde’s hardened bulge rut directly against his own in delightful friction. Ashton deepened the kiss, capturing Luke’s bottom lip between his teeth and tugging before peppering kisses all along his neck to the spot where his neck meets his collar bone. He scraped his teeth against the soft flesh before sinking his teeth in gently, blowing cool air on the freshly made mark and repeating.

The poor blonde boy was desperate, grinding his hips harshly down into Ashton’s and trying―but failing―to keep the whimpers in his throat from escaping his mouth.

“Ash - Ashton I,” He moaned breathlessly, hands sneaking beneath the boy’s shirt and roaming the toned muscle there.

The hazel eyed boy brought his large palms down to Luke’s full and perky bum, the bum that Ashton may or may not stare at more often than necessary, and squeezed tightly. “Fuck, Luke, feel good baby boy?” He accentuated his words with a sharp thrust upwards, cock twitching at the pleasurable sensations he was experiencing.

The younger boy’s breathing was becoming ragged and he was rubbing on Ashton like his life depended on it. “Ash- no, I _can’t―”_

“Can’t what Lukey?” Ashton asked with a smirk plastered onto his face. He threw his head back and mumbled to himself, _“Fuck.”_ Luke continued rutting his hips and letting sinful moans leave his plump lips, Ashton meeting his thrusts and grasping his arse in the most heavenly way. The curly haired boy tugged at the waistband of Luke’s tight-as-shit skinnies and asked, “Can I take these off princess?” When suddenly the blonde stilled, collapsing on the elder’s chest with a loud, “Ah- Shit!”

Ashton lay confused at first when he heard small whimpers coming from Luke’s mouth until he realized these were the noises he made when the boy was crying. Alarmed, Ashton attempted to comfort him. “Hey, Lukey, what’s wrong? Are you hurt?” He asked frantically only to be answered with a shake of the head. “Luke, are you okay? What happened?” The blue eyed boy shamefully removed his hands from his now scarlet cheeks, watery eyes meeting golden brown ones. “Love, what happened?

“I…” He trailed off,

“You what, Luke?”

The blonde motioned slowly to the crotch of his jeans and squeezed, making himself moan from oversensitivity.

“Holy shit, Luke did you―”

“Yes! I’m sorry I didn’t mean to it just happened and it was all so fast and it felt good and I’ve never done anything but―” Ashton shut up the rambling with a kiss to the blabbering lips. “This is so embarrassing,” Luke whispered, head hanging down in regret.

“Hey,” Ashton placed his finger on the boy’s cheek and lifted his head in order for them to meet eyes. “If I’m honest, that is one of the hottest fucking things ever baby.”

Luke’s eyes widened. “You - you’re not m-mad?”

The curly haired boy laughed at how unbelievably adorable he was. “I’m not mad. Maybe a little disappointed that I didn’t get to come but definitely not mad,” He joked.

The blonde blushed harder. “Do you want me to-” He motioned to Ashton’s crotch.

“I have a better idea. How about, since you’re basically asleep, we cuddle in bed and talk about how lucky I am to have the world’s cutest boyfriend, yeah?”

The biggest smile known to man spread on Luke’s still blushing face. Ashton said it, he’d used the _B_ word, he’d called Luke his _boyfriend._

And Luke wouldn’t want to be anything else.

He answered, "Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please give me feedback? I thought everyone could use some fluffy (and maybe a tiny bit smutty) Lashton.


	23. Twenty Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Cal, could you pass me a napkin?” He asked again, slightly annoyed.
> 
> “Thought you wanted me to stay out of your face.” His eyes were dull and fixed down on nothing in particular. His voice sounded like a robot’s, forced and artificial.
> 
> “Calum just give me a damn napkin, there’s no need to be a bitch about it.” Michael rolled his eyes.
> 
> “Oh, so now I’m a bitch?” Calum stood and picked up his cup, pouring the remaining liquid on top of the other boys head. “Still need a napkin now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol guess who updated on time?????;)

“This is nice,” Calum said, sipping his warm tea. Him as well as Luke, Michael and Ashton were seated in a booth at the darkest boy’s favourite cafe located just outside of town. It’s cozy with bean bags adorning the place and cheery lights hanging from the ceiling. 

“Yeah, this place is cute. I like it Cal.” Ashton said. He was seated next to Michael, since him and Calum still would not sit together, his fingers intertwined with the blonde’s across the table. Hazel eyes met with crystal blue as the youngest boy took the last bite of his lemon scone. Luke blushed under his boyfriend’s gaze and slowed his chewing when Ashton mouthed, “I’m so proud of you.” And everything felt kind of okay.

“Could I please have a napkin?” Michael asked. His hair was dyed an icy blue and his fringe fell just about his glowing green irises. Everyone looked to Calum who sat closest to the container of napkins expectedly but he only sat still as if he hadn’t heard a word. “Cal, could you pass me a napkin?” He asked again, slightly annoyed.

“Thought you wanted me to stay out of your face.” His eyes were dull and fixed down on nothing in particular. His voice sounded like a robot’s, forced and artificial.

“Calum just give me a damn napkin, there’s no need to be a bitch about it.” Michael rolled his eyes.

“Oh, so now I’m a bitch?” Calum stood and picked up his cup, pouring the remaining liquid on top of the other boys head. “Still need a napkin now?” He asked rhetorically before sprinting to the bathroom.

“God dammit,” Michael cursed and reached for a handful of paper towels. Luke and Ashton both sat still, confused and surprised. The blonde had a worried look on his face and his eyes darted to the direction his friend ran an Michael.

“Go find Calum, Luke. I’ll help Mikey.” The younger looked up to his boyfriend with a look that said ‘Are you sure?’ “We’ll be fine, I promise. Go help out Cal.” With that, Luke was gone.

The two eldest boys continued to wipe of what liquid landed on the floor when Michael spoke. “Sorry about that, you didn’t have to help clean up though.”

“It’s no problem dude. What happened though, he flipped out of nowhere.”

“I kind of deserved it I guess. We’re still not talking and I’m pretty sure he hates me.” He laughed as he said it, trying to play it off as a joke but Ashton saw through his facade. The boy’s usually emerald eyes were a dull seagreen; still beautiful but not nearly as happy.

“Nah, I doubt it.”

“Oh yeah, why’s that?” He asked with a sarcastic smirk.

But Ashton stop his cleaning and sat down, looking his friend in the eye. “You don’t see the way he looks at you Mike. He looks at you the way I look at Luke, like he’s all that matters. The only important thing left. And he is, to me. That’s how Calum looks at you.”

_**~** _

The blonde barged into the cafe’s public restroom and called out the kiwi’s name only to be answered by sniffing and hushed sobs. “Cali? Open up please.” Luke thanked the gods above for being gifted with a very effective pleading voice when the lock clicked and the stall door inched open. “Hey, how are you?”

The maori boy immediately flung himself into the blonde’s arms, embracing him like he was the only thing left to hold on to. “‘M sorry Lukey I shouldn’t have done it but I miss him so much! You don’t understand how badly it hurts to be so close to him yet so far away all the time and I hate it.” He finished his sentence breathlessly and broke into a fit of coughs and cries. Luke’s heart clenched.

“Hey, hey look at me Cali. It’s not your fault, okay? But it’s not Mikey’s either and you guys aren’t gonna get anywhere if you don’t talk soon yeah?”

“I can’t Luke-”

“Please.” He closed his eyes. “You guys are the only family I have left Cali, but when everyone’s fighting it’s like I have no one. It makes me wonder how much longer until you guys leave too.” The blonde was whispering and a single tear trailed down his cheek in slow motion. Luke stood on his tip-toes and placed a gentle kiss to Calum’s forehead. “Please fix it?”

“Yeah. Course.”

Their moment was interrupted when a certain curly haired boy walked in. “Hey, sorry to bug you but I just need to wash my hands.” Calum blushed.

“I’m sorry Ash, I would have cleaned it up-”

“Hey, you’re fine. Don’t worry mate.” He delivered a warm smile. That’s one thing that Luke loved about the boy, his smile was contagious. No matter how sad you were, the minute you hear his cheerful giggles and see his perfect teeth and his perfect lips you’re gone. The blonde shyly walked over to his boyfriend and hugged him from behind, kissing his shoulder.

“Thank you,” He mumbled. “You’re the best.”

Ashton turned his head with his hands still washing under the faucet. ‘Anything for my princess.” The younger’s eyes moved to the sink and suddenly he felt sick. His eyes widened and his stomach felt as if it had dropped through the ground. His chest ached as well as his throat from the enormous lump forming in it. Luke’s breathing picked up and the older must have noticed because he stopped what he was doing to focus on him. “Hey, Luke, what’s wrong?”

The blonde’s eyes filled with hot tears and his eyes became an angry red, fear was written all over his face. “Y-you stopped. Y-ou said you’ stop!”

“Luke? What are you talking about?”

“This!” Luke yanked the sleeves of Ashton slightly damp sweater upwards, revealing angry pink wounds littering his wrist. “You promised Ashy you promised!” He was in hysterics now and it felt as if the world had finally come crashing down on him. Ashton tried to grab Luke but the boy sank to the floor, thrashing and sobbing nonstop.

“Please Lukey I’m so sorry!” They were sat propped against the wall entangled in a mess of limbs. Ashton’s face was wet with tears, he felt so guilty. He’d broken the most important promise between him and Luke and now his baby was upset. “I’m s-sorry.” He choked on his own sob and nuzzled his face into Luke’s should, the only noise in the room being sniffles and coughs. “I’m so sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Calum's such a savage damn. Comments motivate me to update :-) Thanks for reading.


	24. Twenty Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “He’s in prison Ashton and he didn’t even do it!” Luke raised his voice. Sobs were ripping through his body now, he was hot and sweaty and felt like he was drowning. He’d been left in the sea with a weight sinking him down, and Ashton was the only one who could hear his cries for help. But as he sunk deeper and deeper into the icey water it got harder and harder, his problems heavier and heavier, the world darker and darker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reason I haven't been updating is because I've gotten not a lot of feedback and it just seems like this story is dead. I'm sorry to disappoint you all, i just feel like no one is reading. Please let me know if you are?

Calum woke up in the middle of the night to sound of soft humming. He checked the time with his not quite open eyes.

**02:01**

His head fell back onto his pillow heavy with sleep when he heard what had woken him up again. The room was dimly lit by the moon’s silver-blue rays and the night animals outside of Calum’s open window were all asleep. It was quiet and calming and if he wasn’t hearing strange noises he’d probably bask in the peacefully lonely night.

“You awake?” Calum nearly fell out of his bed when he heard a voice that was not his own. His heart began almost beating out of his chest but when he saw who the other figure was,the warm feeling in his body would say it wasn’t only because he was startled.

“Jesus fuck, Mike what the hell are you doing here?”

Michael crawled to the side of his friend’s bed pulling the lamp string and ignited the room in a warm yellow glow. The lighting reflected off of Calum’s olive beautifully, but so did everything else in the world; Calum was beautiful in every way. His dark chocolate eyes were so wide and welcoming, even when he was angry or upset. His lips were plump and soft and only good things came out of them. Michael’s green eyes got last in Calum’s round orbs which were shining with a hint of something in them. 

“Michael?” The blonde was startled out of his own thoughts when his friend broke the silence. _Michael._ The only time he ever calls him that is when Calum is truly sad. Now noticing the pinkness surrounding brown irises his heart broke. He was the reason Calum was sad. “Michael please say something,” He whispered.

“I’m sorry, Cal.” Michael really didn’t know what he was apologizing for, but that’s what he’d come there to do. He definitely did not sneak over at two in the morning just to see the other’s face, nope.

“Michael⎼”

“Please, Cal I miss you. God I miss you so fucking much, I miss _us._ I wanna be able to call you up at midnight and complain about my headaches and⎼and have you come over and just do nothing all day, but we’d still be having fun because it’s us.”

“Michael please⎼”

“No! I don’t care if us is just best mates! If I can’t kiss you and hold you and brag to everybody that you’re mine I need to be able to call you my best friend Cali.”

“Michael! Shut up for one second, please!” The pale boy jumped at the sudden loud noise that probably woke the whole house.

“You’re so damn stupid, I swear Mikey.” The older was somewhat hurt at first, until he heard the laughter laced in with the comment.

“What⎼?”

“You’re completely blind! For fifteen fucking years I’ve been in love with you! What happened at the restaurant was my fault anyways… I should be apologising to you. But when I did it, I saw your face and you looked so annoyed and so angry. I wanted to die. I felt like I didn’t deserve you.” He wipe a stray tear that’d escaped without permission. “I don’t.” He looked down at his suddenly very interesting fingers and played with his thumbs awkwardly.

Michael giggled ⎼ _he fucking giggled_ ⎼ and tilted his friend’s chin up with his thumb. “Calum Thomas Hood, you deserve the world and a million more,” He whispered. They’d tilted their heads so their noses were now bumping, hearts beating in sync and breaths shaky.

 

**_~_ **

 

The morning was bright and warm, it was 9:30 AM on a Saturday, but none of that mattered to Ashton because waking up he realised his bed was empty. He pushed his sleep hair out of his golden eyes and rested on his arms. “Lukey?” He called.

Light footsteps were heard coming from the hallway but there was no reply. He tried again, “Luuukey I miss you.” The door cracked open slightly however the blonde boy did not speak. He poked his head through the door, avoiding eye contact.

“Y-yeah Ash?” Ashton cooed; his boyfriend was utterly adorable. His arms crossed his torso and hugged his body, and his feet were doing that insanely cute thing where they rest atop of each other.

“Hey get in her bub I’m lonely.” Ashton did his best mock sad voice until he noticed the uncertainty in his posture. “Hey, you’re okay Luke?”

Luke looked up, meeting the other’s eyes for the first time that morning. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You just seem upset, I don’t know. Where were you? Got scared, thought you’d gotten sick of me or something,” Ashton joked, flashing a dimply smile as the younger joined him back in bed.

“Just needed the loo. That’s all.” Ashton hummed and kissed the top of Luke’s head.

“Luke you came from the living room,” Ashton laughed at his boyfriend’s horrible attempt at lying. “I really hope you didn’t use the restroom in there.” Luke’s face flushed a bright scarlet as a blush overtook his cheeks up to his ears. “Look at me kitten. That’s it. There’s those gorgeous eyes. What’s going on with you princess?” His voice was like his eyes, sweet honey. It was soothing in all the right ways and made Luke yearn to be closer to his boyfriend, though judging by the way they were hugging that seemed impossible.

The blue eyed boy took a deep breath. This was _Ashton_ he was speaking to, he could tell him anything. “Ash,” He closed his eyes, revelling in the feeling of soft fingertips tracing his skin. His pale flesh erupted in goosebumps and Ashton made it his goal to kiss each and every one. “Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my father and the whole.... Situation.”

“Hey baby I’ve got you here, okay? You’re safe. You have nothing to worry about.”

“I know. Thank you for protecting me.” Luke connected their lips once before continuing. ‘I’ve never felt safer in my entire life, really and I feel so lucky. But Ash,” He paused to wipe away a slow rolling tear, “I really miss him.”

The curly haired boy was confused now, but he held his sobbing boyfriend in his lap, stroking his thick blonde locks and murmuring comforting words. “It’s okay baby boy. No one blames you, you know that yeah?”

“He’s in prison Ashton and he didn’t even do it!” Luke raised his voice. Sobs were ripping through his body now, he was hot and sweaty and felt like he was drowning. He’d been left in the sea with a weight sinking him down, and Ashton was the only one who could hear his cries for help. But as he sunk deeper and deeper into the icy water it got harder and harder, his problems heavier and heavier, the world darker and darker. “I wanna tell them.”

Ashton froze. “Tell who what, Lukey?”

He shook his head back and forth and yanked at his own hair. “I don’t know I just need to tell someone! It’s not right!”

“Luke please, calm down, what do you need to tell?”

“I need to tell them about my brothers Ashton! Please I need your help, don’t stop me please Ashy I need th-this!”

Ashton pulled Luke into a tight huh to silence him. The shaking blonde hiccuped as tears flowed freely down his red cheeks. “I’m not going to stop you Lukey, I think this is the right thing to do.” Luke hesitantly nodded.  
They sat in silence for a few long moments before the blonde spoke, “Can I do it now?”

“You can do it whenever you want. Nobody’s going to rush you into anything. I’m here for you bub.”

“Okay.” Ashton reached for his phone on his bedside table and handed it to Luke, kissing his hand in the process.

The smaller boy dialed the number. His breathing was shaky and his whole body was jittering with adrenaline. It rang twice before someone answered.

“911, what’s your emergency?”

He closed his eyes once more before whispering into the phone, “I’d like to report a rape please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to make a Remind account so i can update you guys on how each chapter is coming along and so you can all be aware of what else I'm working on... would anybody want me to do this?


	25. Twenty Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The couple sat in comfortable silence, admiring how close a simple phone call could make them feel. But no matter how close they felt it wasn’t enough, Luke longed to be in Ashton’s arms. Suddenly the blonde’s mind was awakened at an urgent thought. “Ashton,” He said.
> 
> “What’s up bub?”
> 
> “I wanted to visit my dad tomorrow.” Luke blurted out, the atmosphere becoming awkward and thick. The blue eyed boy waited for a response but spoke up when none came. “I wanna see him Ashy it’s been so long.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there will be another update Sunday! If an emergency comes up I will make sure to let y'all know on Remind! (read end notes for more info about Remind)

The most painful feeling in the world is having your loved ones torn away from you. Emotionally it shatters your beating muscle into millions of sharp pieces, those sharp pieces cutting everyone around―much like they way depression affects more than just the victim. Physically it feels as if those tiny strings inside of your chest are being plucked one by one, untangling themselves and hugging your lungs; which in turn revoke your right to breathe. It’s a chain reaction of shock to hurt to sad to numb. And for some the cycle ends, but for the lucky ones it all ends. All of it.

The blonde was not one of the lucky ones. He was still caught in the ferocious cycle of fluctuating emotions. Luke rested against his open window at night break, wanderlusting amongst the shadowy violet and black reflecting off the stars, illuminating the entire area of the .home he’d been placed in until he turns 18; since him and Ashton weren’t technically family. His eyes casted down to his shaking, cold, bony fingers scratching at the jagged scabs all along his once smooth wrists. He didn’t want to miss them. If it was his choice, Luke would be screaming with joy that his brothers were gone for good. He’d be crying out of relief, he’d be stress free. But he wasn’t. He loved Jack and Ben with all of his heart and he hated himself for that because for the first time ever Luke had realised; _he deserved better._

The old Luke would sit here in silence with smooth hot liquid flowing out of his thick veins. And usually he would feel guilty for wanting to give Ashton a call, to tell him how much he’s hurting. But the blonde was proud of himself, he was so, so proud of how much different he was compared to just months before. And he could only thank Ashton.

As if on queue, Luke’s phone screen lit up with the curly haired boy’s contact picture. He picked up the buzzing device. “Hello?”

“Hi angel. Did I wake you?” Ashton’s voice sent shivers up the younger’s spine, raspy and thick like honey.

“No Ash. I’ve been up.” Luke let a small smile drift onto his lips.

“Me too. I can’t sleep and I miss you. I was gonna surprise you tonight but I figured you need space. Are you feeling okay?”

The aura of the whole conversation chilled and so did the blonde’s heart. His eyes began to burn with threatening tears, but he was okay with that. “No,” he spoke, voice shaky. “Not really.”

“Baby boy,” Ashton spoke, voice filled with want and sympathy. He whispered to his fragile boyfriend, “I love you. So much, and I’m not going to lie and say things are going to be great from now on but I need you to know Luke how much I love you.”

“I know Ash-”

“No. Look up.”

“What?’ He asked, clearly confused.

“You’re at your window, yeah?” Ashton almost cooed at the soft giggle Luke let out; they knew each other too well.

“Yeah. What am I looking at?”

“The moon.”

“Ashton why am I looking at the moon?” He was laughing now and his tummy tickled from all of the butterflies.

“You see how far away it is from us? Pretty far, huh?”

“It’s far, yeah, Ashton why?”

“Because as long as it would take for me to walk there, is the amount of time it’d take for me to stop loving you.”

The lanky blonde blushed at his boyfriend’s sweet words. “How would you walk though? It’s in space!” He giggled again.

“Luke I am trying to be romantic!” Ashton laughed too and his heart swelled. Luke deserved the moon. He deserved the world.

The couple sat in comfortable silence, admiring how close a simple phone call could make them feel. But no matter how close they felt it wasn’t enough, Luke longed to be in Ashton’s arms. Suddenly the blonde’s mind was awakened at an urgent thought. “Ashton,” He said.

“What’s up bub?”

“I wanted to visit my dad tomorrow.” Luke blurted out, the atmosphere becoming awkward and thick. The blue eyed boy waited for a response but spoke up when none came. “I wanna see him Ashy it’s been so long.”

“Luke we don’t even know if he’s still in that prison. We don’t know when he’s being released, when he can come home, if he can ever come home-”

“My brothers were guilty Ash so they have to know he didn’t mean to do it to me! He was forced!” Luke’s voice was loud and clear, the elder could almost feel the wetness protruding from his lover’s eyes.

“Okay, okay Lukey sh sh sh. Deep breaths, yeah that’s good. So proud bubba. Would you like to come over and we can talk about this?”

“What if the foster parents find out?”

“Look, I hate to be the bad influence Lukey but you turn 18 in a month. How badly can they punish you until then?” They both giggled, Ashton waiting for his significant other to arrive.

When the blonde was greeted by a chirpy 4 a.m. Ashton answering the door he was immediately embraced and peppered with soft pecks all over his face. He love it more than life itself. The two walked inside and entered the older’s bedroom, snuggling up beneath the covers. Both let out content sighs.

“I wanna see him Ashy,” his voice was meek and small and if the hazel eyed boy were honest, it was completely adorable. “I gotta.” He mentally cooed.

Ashton pushed himself up so he was resting on his left forearm beside the blonde. “Okay. Tomorrow we can go down to the prison to see if he’s still there. If he’s not, we can check the courthouse. Deal, Lukey boy?” Ashton punctuated his question with a wink that made the other’s heart melt.

“Deal.” The sealed the promise with a passionate kiss, lips slotting perfectly together as usual. Ashton attempted to pull away briefly, but his lip was captured by the blonde’s teeth dragging out a silenced moan. In response, he grabbed the tiny waist of his boyfriend and pushed him on the bed, licking into his hot mouth with want. The blonde mewled and allowed the intruder happily , letting out a deep sigh of pure happiness.

Luke swung his leg over Ashton’s waist and pulled him down, rubbing their clothed crotches together and blushing at the loud whine that erupted from his throat. However Ashton liked this reaction and grinded down harder, feeling his boyfriend’s hardening bulge against his own. He brought his other arm next to Luke’s head and rested it there, bracketing his face. Hot lips trailed down pale skin and planted wet kisses along the younger’s jaw, neck, and up to behind his ear. Ashton gently sucked there, licking and biting and blowing cool air on his freshly made mark to soothe it. The action sent shivers up Luke’s spine and his cock gave an excited twitch.

Suddenly the blonde realised it was much too hot to be wearing all the clothing that they were. He tugged the waistband of Ashton’s pajama bottoms to drop a hint. Ashton happily obliged, sliding the grey sweats down his muscular legs, and doing the same to Luke’s. The blonde was left in his t-shirt and boxers, the elder in only the later. Luke traced his fingers along the prominent abdominal muscles defined in his boyfriend’s perfectly tanned skin. He made eye contact with said man and groaned at what he saw; nothing but pure lust.

“Ashy,” he whined breathlessly.

Ashton was shaken out of his trance at the sound of his lover’s shaky voice. “Yeah princess?”

The nickname did nothing to soothe Luke’s raging hardon. “Please Ashy,” Luke breathed out.

“Hey, hey Lukey I need words. What do you need bubba?”

“Ash I need you please I need you inside of me.” His dirty words contrasted deliciously with the boy’s innocence and it made Ashton’s cock kick in interest.

“Okay baby. I can give you that.” He trailed a finger down the outline of Luke’s erect member and traced the prominent bulge. The blonde bucked his hips up in excitement. “Gonna make you feel so good Lukey. ‘S that what you want?” The blonde nodded his head and made grabby hands towards Ashton’s still covered cock. “Hey I need words baby.”

“Please, yes Ash fuck me!”

“Not gonna fuck you baby.” Ashton placed a gentle kiss to Luke’s lips and cooed at his adorably confused expression. “I’m gonna take care of you baby boy. Gonna make love to you yeah?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! If you would like to receive texts or emails from me regarding the next update on any of my works, please join Remind by texting '@ao3k' to 81010, getting the Remind app or by logging on to remind.com and join the class ao3-keelysodunne!  
> also, hope you enjoyed this teaser (-;

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think, and thank you for reading. :-D


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